Selfish

For the past two months I have been debating wether or not to run for an executive position in my sorority. It has been gnawing at me. What will make me happy? How will I handle the added stress and pressure in my life? Will I maintain my friendships if I still live in the sorority house? Question after question flash through my mind every day. One minute, I have completely talked myself out of running for an executive position and, the next I can't imagine life without doing exec. It has been a long month.
I had been wanting to speak with someone who was removed from the whole situation and any time I tried to set up a time to talk, it never worked out. It was no ones fault, it's just a busy time of the year. It still left me with biased opinions on what my next would be. When I was beginning to accept that I wasn't going to talk to anyone, my friend Ellie reached out to me. Ok, well I kind of dragged her into my web of problems, but she was more than willing to help. Once I told her of the pros and cons of an exec position, she looked at me and softly said, "It's ok to be selfish sometimes." Her point was that I had serious cons about a position and I needed to think of myself and how I would develop as a person under so much stress.
I accepted it. I accept it. I'm still accepting it. Every part of my being wants to be on exec and make a difference, but my grades and social life are holding me back. I desperately want to have the time to do exec, yet I stand here defeated. I keep telling myself, "I can't do it all." Those five words, arranged in that order, though, are new to me. I have always been able to do it all. I feel defeated and like I am losing the person that I thought I was. I keep trying to remind myself that God will make it right. It doesn't matter how badly I mess up, God has a place in my life and will watch over me. While I feel his presence, I am still scared. I am scared of letting people down. I am scared of ruining my next year in school. I am scared of losing myself.
Life throws us curve balls and it's scary. While I can't say that it ever gets easier or that I have gotten used to the feeling of unbalance, I know that I am not the only one going through tough decisions. Everyone has a life and is working to be the best that they can be.