The Lord's Plan

Last night, heaven welcomed a new angel: Carter Haines. Carter went to my high school, but was a year younger than me. I didn't know him personally, but many of my friends were his friends and our parents are in the same social circle. He battled a brain tumor for many months, which is so hard to believe since Carter was always super athletic and seemed so healthy. He will definitely be missed by the community and everyone that knew him.

For me, this loss comes during a time where I have been exceedingly happy and excited for the next day, the next week, and the next month. There have been so many wonderful things happening in my life and I feel so blessed. When I hear about the death of a man that was younger than me and who still had so much life and love yet to experience, I feel selfish and guilty for being so happy. It doesn't seem right. How can I feel so blessed, when people are suffering so much? What did I do to deserve such happiness? I don't feel worthy. I've used the Lord's name in vain; I've lied; I've been selfish. Yet, I feel as though the Lord keeps ushering me towards amazing opportunities and giving me life-changing experiences. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for everything that I have been given, but at times like these it just doesn't seem fair.

I hate the explanation that you always hear to those questions, "This is just life. The Lord has a plan. We should be happy that he is no longer in pain. He has finished the race." But as I sit here trying to do homework and preparing for meetings tonight, I keep repeating these statements to myself. I find comfort in them. Although these explanations cannot even begin to quiet the loss of a loved one, I fully believe that they are true. The Lord does have a plan and we are able to find joy during such hard times because God wants us to be happy. He allows us feel pain and sadness not because he has forgotten about us, but because He wants us to return to and believe in Him. 

The sense of grief and loss is a reminder that we don't know when our time will come and that we must be thankful for every day. We must take the steps the Lord has laid out for us and be prepared for when He calls our name. Only when we do this, will we truly be living by His grace and in His presence.

Couldn't Wait For 21

Yesterday was my 21st birthday. Wait, what? I'm sorry, I'm in denial. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond excited! I've been counting down to my 21st birthday for months. The fact that I have been counting down for so long and the fact that my birthday has already come and gone is baffling. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. So weird.

The night before my birthday, I had some friends over to celebrate. My roommate decorated our apartment, we made homemade queso and served some yummy drinks. The coolest part, though, were the people who filled my apartment and sang Happy Birthday to me at midnight. I couldn't help but smile when my best friend from high school did my make up, when my other good friend brought over cupcakes and when my friend drove in from Atlanta for less then 12 hours just to see me.

There were so many different friend groups there: high school, sorority, "band of friendzz" and the random, amazing people that I have gotten to know through date night set-ups, mutual friends and classes. All of these people came to celebrate with me--and get some queso, let's be honest. But no matter their reason for coming, I am so glad that each and every one of them did. It made me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have such fun and loving people to call my friends. I have no idea what I did to be so lucky, but I am extremely thankful. I count my blessings every day; God is so good!

Cheers!

Conformity

The pressures of the world surround us. Strength, anger, perfection, competition... The list could go on. And every day we are called to rise above those pressures and to call upon the Lord for guidance and comfort.

We all know people who unknowingly test us. They can just walk into the room and our nerves suddenly surge. Your contempt for them seems to radiant from your body and you barely mumble responses to simply avoid them at all costs. Do you know that feeling? I know this is a little dramatic, but when you are in the moment, you feel these emotions so vividly that they consume your whole being.

I was tested by one of these people today and I just about snapped. Everyone has their boiling point and I was about to let off some steam. Thankfully, that's when the Lord stepped in. He ushered her out of the room and left me alone with Him to pray. Just as quickly as my negative emotions blurred my thoughts, the Lord wrapped His arms around me. That is when I broke. Even with all of that anger inside of me, He still offers me a shoulder to cry on and an arm to steady myself when I get back up and dust off.

This isn't a long, thought provoking post. In fact, my point is simply that the Lord loves us. He forgives the things that we hate most about ourselves and wraps us in kindness and light. We are so incredibly blessed and we have to remember to never take Him for granted. We can also never be scared to come back to Him when we loose our footing on the path of life. He has our back and He'll forgive us of all our trespasses (thank goodness!). And that is as simple as it gets.