I must admit, it has been a little comical to see the new freshmen frantically looking at campus maps and taking the assigned reading seriously. It has been comical, yet eye opening. Seeing the freshmen trying to figure college out has made me reflect on my past year: the trials and tribulations, the ups and downs, the list goes on. This reflection makes me feel as though I have grown in that year, which I have, but not to the extent that I convey to others. I put on this fake "I'm a sophomore sorority girl and I have it all figured out" front, yet, sitting here writing this, I feel lost in my own body.
I go through the motions: breakfast, class, gym, homework, sleep, and repeat. I try to give each day a little flavor, but that only consists of walking a different way to class. I am not new to college anymore, I have settled into my living arrangements, and my classes seem the same as the last one. I feel like I'm constantly running in circles, but I can't get my feet to move. Whenever I get this feeling, the first question that I ask myself is whether or not I have been communicating and glorifying God. 99.9% of the time, the answer is no, so I pray and make a conscious effort to read my bible more. This time, I feel like I have been trying to spread the scripture and I have been reading my bible, but I feel lost, dazed, and confused.
I am trying to find my meaning in life; I am trying to discover what is coming up in the next chapter of my life; I am trying to nail down a schedule of social and personal times. I just know that it is hard to find your way back to the traveled path when you're not sure where you are going.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
On The Other Side
I can officially say that I am a sophomore in college! When did that happen? It seems like yesterday that I was walking briskly down Milledge in the middle of Recruitment 2010. Now, a year later, I am looking back on Rush and am in disbelief that I made it through the crazy system. Two weeks ago was work week, where we prepared for rush, and last week was the insanity called Recruitment 2K11. During work week, I finally felt like I was a part of my sorority. I was learning how recruitment worked, the good and the bad. With all of the craziness that went into the past two weeks, I forgot what my purpose was. In my head, I was thinking that the goal was to get an amazing new pledge class, but, with a text message on the first day of Recruitment, my purpose came back to me.
I had become lost in the harsh and hurtful words that tend to surround the recruitment process and I was in disbelief that I was judged to harshly just a year ago. When I went through rush, a friend told me to trust the system, that every girl ended up where she was supposed to. A year later, I was being told the same thing: trust the system. This time around though, I saw the mechanics of the system and, I must say, it hurt. It hurt to know that the women that I love and, now, live with could say such mean things. I found myself falling into the Hollywood version of sororities: cute, pretty, involved, social were being descriptions of the girls that I was talking to. It didn't feel right. Who was I to judge a person that I spoke with for 10 or so minutes? Who was I to manage the system of recruitment and decide their fate (so to speak)? Who was I? I didn't know and that is what bothered me. Every time I found myself sinking into the Hollywood sorority stereotype, I pulled out the text message that my friend sent me on the first day of recruitment... "Hope everything goes well and that you are able to bring some depth into an otherwise superficial system and show the girls coming through the love of Christ."
I was not the person who was supposed to judge these women. I was the person who was supposed to open my eyes, ears, and heart to the women coming through rush. I was the person who was supposed to help guide them to find their purpose in college and to help them feel comfortable in this sometimes superficial process. I was the person who was supposed to show them scripture in my actions and my words. I can't say I was perfect in succeeding this, but I tried. Everyday, whether the conversation was easy or not, I wanted the girls to walk away feeling better than before. I wanted them to feel wanted, not just by me and my sorority, but by Christ.
I had become lost in the harsh and hurtful words that tend to surround the recruitment process and I was in disbelief that I was judged to harshly just a year ago. When I went through rush, a friend told me to trust the system, that every girl ended up where she was supposed to. A year later, I was being told the same thing: trust the system. This time around though, I saw the mechanics of the system and, I must say, it hurt. It hurt to know that the women that I love and, now, live with could say such mean things. I found myself falling into the Hollywood version of sororities: cute, pretty, involved, social were being descriptions of the girls that I was talking to. It didn't feel right. Who was I to judge a person that I spoke with for 10 or so minutes? Who was I to manage the system of recruitment and decide their fate (so to speak)? Who was I? I didn't know and that is what bothered me. Every time I found myself sinking into the Hollywood sorority stereotype, I pulled out the text message that my friend sent me on the first day of recruitment... "Hope everything goes well and that you are able to bring some depth into an otherwise superficial system and show the girls coming through the love of Christ."
I was not the person who was supposed to judge these women. I was the person who was supposed to open my eyes, ears, and heart to the women coming through rush. I was the person who was supposed to help guide them to find their purpose in college and to help them feel comfortable in this sometimes superficial process. I was the person who was supposed to show them scripture in my actions and my words. I can't say I was perfect in succeeding this, but I tried. Everyday, whether the conversation was easy or not, I wanted the girls to walk away feeling better than before. I wanted them to feel wanted, not just by me and my sorority, but by Christ.
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