I thought I'd never see this day. My grandmother on oxygen and taking medications. She is still healthy, but has liquid in her lungs which cases her to have trouble breathing and not have an appetite. My grandmother is always doing something for her children, grandchildren, or friends. She is creative, full of inspiring stories and ideas, and so very loving. I know that everyone says this about their grandparents, but I can see the Lord's word coming to life through my grandma. And that, makes her one of a kind.
I had the privilege to spend a few days over my spring break at her house alone: just me and her. With 10 kids, 24 grandchildren, and lots of neighbors, being alone with Gram is rare. In those few days, we spoke a lot about my college life and my late grandfather, but we mostly spoke about faith and God. Her expression changed to one of peace and understanding as our discussion grew. The room and atmosphere had changed. The Lord had entered our conversation. God himself settled in on the couch next to my grandma and wrapped his arms around her. There was no war, grief, or outside world when we were speaking. There was only peace, forgiveness, faith, and God.
Call me crazy, but I truly believe that I saw the Lord in those discussions with my grandma. The past was simply God's plan coming to fruition. The future was our prayers being answers. Death was the ultimate blessing. Family was a support system to love God more. She helped to remind me that each day is already planned for us by the Lord. He has our whole life figured out for us so that we don't have to stress about it. He has a plan, so we can just enjoy His company and serve Him. It's a wonderful thing to keep in mind.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Disappointment Will Never Be Fun
It's a little ironic after my last post, with how confident and excited I was, that I didn't even get a second round interview. Murphy's Law, right? The more you want something, the less likely you are to actually get it. I can't lie, I cried when I saw the word "unfortunately" in the email. Everything in my life seems to be in place, so being able to give back in such a huge way would have been a blessing. It also doesn't help that the email looked eerily similar to the rejection email I got ten months ago. It's a tough pill to swallow: "Thanks, but no thanks" x2.
As hard as it is, I refuse to let this set me back for long--although there will be a mourning/junk food period for at least a day or two. My mother called me a little before I received the email to tell me that the daughter of an old neighbor passed away this morning. She was a freshman in college. She suffered a brain hemorrhage last night, was air lifted to the hospital, had emergency surgery, and passed away this morning. As I sit here crying about not getting asked back to an interview, I can't help but think of this family who has suffered a much greater loss than I did. She had no pre-existing conditions, yet when God says it's time, it's time.
The Lord will provide. He knocks us down again and again to rid us of our personal desires and wants and allow us to hear his word. I'm not saying it's easy. The mascara streaks on my cheeks from my tears are proof that disappointment and being told "no" stinks. It's not fun, ever. The Lord has a plan though and I pray like crazy that there is some exciting and happy emails coming my way soon, but, until then, I have to be ok with what He give me. Nothing more, nothing less.
As hard as it is, I refuse to let this set me back for long--although there will be a mourning/junk food period for at least a day or two. My mother called me a little before I received the email to tell me that the daughter of an old neighbor passed away this morning. She was a freshman in college. She suffered a brain hemorrhage last night, was air lifted to the hospital, had emergency surgery, and passed away this morning. As I sit here crying about not getting asked back to an interview, I can't help but think of this family who has suffered a much greater loss than I did. She had no pre-existing conditions, yet when God says it's time, it's time.
The Lord will provide. He knocks us down again and again to rid us of our personal desires and wants and allow us to hear his word. I'm not saying it's easy. The mascara streaks on my cheeks from my tears are proof that disappointment and being told "no" stinks. It's not fun, ever. The Lord has a plan though and I pray like crazy that there is some exciting and happy emails coming my way soon, but, until then, I have to be ok with what He give me. Nothing more, nothing less.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
His Guiding Hand
I am going to warn you up front, this post might be a little longer than any other I have written. Why? Well I felt the Lord touch my life in a big way today and it just keeps snowballing into bigger and better things. I am amazed; I love it; I have to share!
First thing's first. I turned in my application to become a Visitors Center (VC) Tour Leader yesterday! Woo-hoo!!! I am so freakin' pumped! Just the opportunity to go back into the VC and talk to the amazing people that work there gets me excited! I'm so blessed! Anyways, the application included a one page essay with the topic, "What's your story?" My first thought: You have got to be kidding me. I love writing--hello, I have a blog!--but I have never been good at writing without any specific directions. Last week, I was telling my dad about how frustrated I was that I couldn't think of a good "story," and mid-sentence a thought popped into my mind. What if I wrote about my Tour Leader application experience from January? Finally a stroke of genius (well, for me at least)!
You see, I have applied for this position once before. I made it to second round interview and I felt so at home at the VC that I was sure I would get it. God had different plans for me. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to show how much I had grown as a person since then so, I wrote how not getting the position allowed me to become fully engrossed in my leadership certificate classes and leadership positions. At first, it was hard at to revisit the feeling of rejection but, in the end, I fell really good about my application essay.
So then today happens. I get out of class and head for the restroom. The door seemed heavier than normal and so I pushed a little harder... A girl in line for a stall had been leaning against it. I smiled and apologized making some comment about how small the bathroom was or something. As I pulled my other book bag strap onto my shoulder, the girl who had been leaning on the door asked me if I went here (aka this awesome university I get to call home). Her mother was next to her and I asked them a ton of questions about where they were from, how they were liking campus, etc. They in turn asked me a lot of questions about my major, life in college, different organizations and so on. It turns out that another mother-daughter duo was in the bathroom too and the five of us chatted for a few minutes. The one girl was interested in PR (my major!) and the other was interested in the pre-vet program. They were juniors in high school and so excited about the process that lay ahead of them. I desperately wished that I could hop on their tour bus and show them around campus (class really gets in the way sometimes).
It hit me as I walked out of the bathroom that throughout our entire conversation, I had felt God's hand on my shoulder. He had walked me into that bathroom at the exact moment that I needed to and ran (literally) into this mother-daughter pair. I had the biggest, silliest, teeth-baring grin on my face for a solid 15+ minutes after that. I couldn't help it. Speaking to those two girls made me so happy and excited for their future. It was amazing. Hands down, it was an awe-inspiring moment of realization. I knew that my passion to become a Tour Leader is still burning bright inside of me and I am beyond ready for the rest of the application process to begin.
Now the other part of this story... As I sat down to write this post and I got to thinking about if I had written a post when I received the rejection email in January. So I looked; I had! Rereading that blog post, I was amazed at my positivity throughout it. It was a gratifying feeling to see and know that I am happy and really living out a life that I can be proud of. It's pretty cool to see how far I have come in my own development as a person, leader, and follower of Christ. He has everything laid out for my future and I am so excited to see all that He has planned! What a day!
First thing's first. I turned in my application to become a Visitors Center (VC) Tour Leader yesterday! Woo-hoo!!! I am so freakin' pumped! Just the opportunity to go back into the VC and talk to the amazing people that work there gets me excited! I'm so blessed! Anyways, the application included a one page essay with the topic, "What's your story?" My first thought: You have got to be kidding me. I love writing--hello, I have a blog!--but I have never been good at writing without any specific directions. Last week, I was telling my dad about how frustrated I was that I couldn't think of a good "story," and mid-sentence a thought popped into my mind. What if I wrote about my Tour Leader application experience from January? Finally a stroke of genius (well, for me at least)!
You see, I have applied for this position once before. I made it to second round interview and I felt so at home at the VC that I was sure I would get it. God had different plans for me. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to show how much I had grown as a person since then so, I wrote how not getting the position allowed me to become fully engrossed in my leadership certificate classes and leadership positions. At first, it was hard at to revisit the feeling of rejection but, in the end, I fell really good about my application essay.
So then today happens. I get out of class and head for the restroom. The door seemed heavier than normal and so I pushed a little harder... A girl in line for a stall had been leaning against it. I smiled and apologized making some comment about how small the bathroom was or something. As I pulled my other book bag strap onto my shoulder, the girl who had been leaning on the door asked me if I went here (aka this awesome university I get to call home). Her mother was next to her and I asked them a ton of questions about where they were from, how they were liking campus, etc. They in turn asked me a lot of questions about my major, life in college, different organizations and so on. It turns out that another mother-daughter duo was in the bathroom too and the five of us chatted for a few minutes. The one girl was interested in PR (my major!) and the other was interested in the pre-vet program. They were juniors in high school and so excited about the process that lay ahead of them. I desperately wished that I could hop on their tour bus and show them around campus (class really gets in the way sometimes).
It hit me as I walked out of the bathroom that throughout our entire conversation, I had felt God's hand on my shoulder. He had walked me into that bathroom at the exact moment that I needed to and ran (literally) into this mother-daughter pair. I had the biggest, silliest, teeth-baring grin on my face for a solid 15+ minutes after that. I couldn't help it. Speaking to those two girls made me so happy and excited for their future. It was amazing. Hands down, it was an awe-inspiring moment of realization. I knew that my passion to become a Tour Leader is still burning bright inside of me and I am beyond ready for the rest of the application process to begin.
Now the other part of this story... As I sat down to write this post and I got to thinking about if I had written a post when I received the rejection email in January. So I looked; I had! Rereading that blog post, I was amazed at my positivity throughout it. It was a gratifying feeling to see and know that I am happy and really living out a life that I can be proud of. It's pretty cool to see how far I have come in my own development as a person, leader, and follower of Christ. He has everything laid out for my future and I am so excited to see all that He has planned! What a day!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Keep Your Rolodex Well Tended
I had the privilege of introducing Mr. Earl Leonard to my leadership class a few days ago. Upon receiving his biography, I knew that we were in for a special treat. Mr. Leonard is a UGA grad, has founded and held leadership positions in many organizations, and worked at Coca-Cola for 35 years, 16 of which he headed the Corporate Affairs Division. Not too shabby, huh? The coolest part of his bio was that he is the original benefactor for the leadership certificate program that I am a part of. He gave us do's and don'ts of life and leadership. I took a whole page of notes, but here are the most important things that I took away from his time with my class. I had to share, because the list below is full of great reminders and insights for life. Enjoy!
- God is in the details of all you do, so focus on the details first.
- Nothing is worth doing if it's not done with integrity.
- Never miss an opportunity to tell people how important they are.
- People will forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
- Listen more. You can never learn is you're doing all the talking.
- Life is a one act play. There are no encores.
- Never center your life around a job. Who will you be when that job is gone?
- Don't be a workaholic. Have fun in life.
- It's nice to be important, but it's far more important to be nice.
- Ask yourself, "Am I happy? Or am I just pretending like I am?"
- Make a list of the things you want to do in life and remember to actually do them.
- Ask yourself, "What is my responsibility to the less fortunate?"
- Remember that it's not what you take from life... It's what you give.
- Know a little about a lot of things (language, religion, etc.)
- Consciously create a different, special, and better persona. Be interesting!
- Ingredients of success: ability, having people who want you to succeed, and luck.
- Your boss already knows your abilities/successes. It's the other people you should get to know.
- Add 2-3 contacts to your rolodex every day. Keep in touch and really care about every contact you've made. Send them cards, call them, etc.
- Never underestimate someone.
- Dedication and determination are important to succeed, but you have to have some fun too.
- Things that should endure have a way of enduring.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Radiating Joy
In one of my classes today, my professor posed the question: Can any of you really think of a time that you felt purely happy? She continued to say that we usually feel complete happiness when we get our way or accomplish some huge personal obstacle. Of course, I had to raise my hand and share my opinion on the subject. I said something along the lines of "there is so much pressure put on us to achieve out-of-this-world, lofty, sometimes unattainable goals that it's almost impossible for us to feel happy unless we are the one in a million that discovers the cure to cancer or solves a controversial business/national/world problem. We're taught that if we're wrong, do something incorrectly, or, to put it plainly, fail, then we can't be happy. It's just a social norm and cultural idea that we learn at a young age."
In the class after that one, my professor asked everyone to write down a conflict or problem that we were facing in each of our lives. We needed to write down a problem so that we could evaluate, work through, and uncover the causes of the problem. I promise, I did try, but I could not come up with a problem. I ended up choosing a small, trivial issue that I have just come to accept as part of life. I know that I am a compromiser and an accommodating person when it comes to conflict. I want other people to be happy and prefer to accept someone else's idea than fight for my own in order to keep the peace. Yes, if it is an important issue or will have serious consequences for me or someone else, I'll fight for what is right, but otherwise, I'm a people pleaser.
So back to the first question, Can any of you really think of a time that you felt purely happy? Yes, I can. In fact, I have many instances every day where I feel completely happy and content. Just today I felt completely happy when I turned in my OL application, talked to my dear friend for awhile, leisurely went grocery shopping, and took some photos. It's not a matter of if you ever feel happy, but whether or not you appreciate that moments throughout your days that make you smile. Everything in your life doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. It's the little things in life that make the difference and learning to embrace and celebrate those have made all the difference in my life. It's amazing how striving to find the positive in every situation can make you so happy that your enthusiasm for life becomes contagious. Who doesn't want to be the joyous person that people want to be around constantly?
In the class after that one, my professor asked everyone to write down a conflict or problem that we were facing in each of our lives. We needed to write down a problem so that we could evaluate, work through, and uncover the causes of the problem. I promise, I did try, but I could not come up with a problem. I ended up choosing a small, trivial issue that I have just come to accept as part of life. I know that I am a compromiser and an accommodating person when it comes to conflict. I want other people to be happy and prefer to accept someone else's idea than fight for my own in order to keep the peace. Yes, if it is an important issue or will have serious consequences for me or someone else, I'll fight for what is right, but otherwise, I'm a people pleaser.
So back to the first question, Can any of you really think of a time that you felt purely happy? Yes, I can. In fact, I have many instances every day where I feel completely happy and content. Just today I felt completely happy when I turned in my OL application, talked to my dear friend for awhile, leisurely went grocery shopping, and took some photos. It's not a matter of if you ever feel happy, but whether or not you appreciate that moments throughout your days that make you smile. Everything in your life doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. It's the little things in life that make the difference and learning to embrace and celebrate those have made all the difference in my life. It's amazing how striving to find the positive in every situation can make you so happy that your enthusiasm for life becomes contagious. Who doesn't want to be the joyous person that people want to be around constantly?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Rediscovery
I will be the first to admit that my faith has faltered over the past few months. I felt so close to the Lord at the end of last year and over the summer, but now, as I fill out applications for jobs where I would serve and help others, I feel lost. I reach for God's word and feel distracted and disconnected. Yet, even with this feeling of detachment, I still believe with my whole heart that the Lord has a plan for my life and he is watching over me. We all go through these times of unrest and confusion; we feel more distant from the Lord, but somehow we always find a way back.
For me, I am strengthening my relationship with the Lord by rereading A Voice In The Wind. Call me crazy that a book can help me rediscover my immense faith, but I truly believe that it can. The book is set about 40 years after Christ died and rose from the dead, so Christianity is still very much in its infancy. Hadassah, the main character, watches as her family dies, suffers as she is enslaved, and serves diligently to Romans who believe in stone gods. She prays for the people that threw her into slavery and truly believes that she was put in the lives of these Romans to serve them and bring Christ to their lives. In the book, she just visited the Apostle John, who walked with Christ and knew him as he was in the flesh. She asked John who she could make her masters understand and come to Christ. John said that even with Jesus standing right in from of him, he still didn't understand who he was or what he said. He struggled in grasping the mightiness and unfaltering love that Jesus extended to him.
I know that it is just a book, but these passages give me understanding and conviction in the Lord's presence in my life. We all, even John, stumble, fall, and don't understand the plans that God has for us. When I think of my life thus far, I am humbled. I have had a life of abundant blessings and I am so thankful for the Lord walking with me even when I don't realize He's holding my hand. I am in the process of completing applications for many positions that call me to nurture and serve my university. I feel such a strong pull to these positions that it is almost unnatural. I took me until this morning to realize that my desire to help others isn't to satisfy my own needs, but to serve the Lord by serving others. God wants to touch these people and I have the opportunity to be that link. It's a humbling feeling. I don't know how I became so blessed, but I won't let these opportunities pass. I am so excited to serve others to thus serve God. I will forever be amazed by His plans for my life. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me." (John 14:1)
For me, I am strengthening my relationship with the Lord by rereading A Voice In The Wind. Call me crazy that a book can help me rediscover my immense faith, but I truly believe that it can. The book is set about 40 years after Christ died and rose from the dead, so Christianity is still very much in its infancy. Hadassah, the main character, watches as her family dies, suffers as she is enslaved, and serves diligently to Romans who believe in stone gods. She prays for the people that threw her into slavery and truly believes that she was put in the lives of these Romans to serve them and bring Christ to their lives. In the book, she just visited the Apostle John, who walked with Christ and knew him as he was in the flesh. She asked John who she could make her masters understand and come to Christ. John said that even with Jesus standing right in from of him, he still didn't understand who he was or what he said. He struggled in grasping the mightiness and unfaltering love that Jesus extended to him.
I know that it is just a book, but these passages give me understanding and conviction in the Lord's presence in my life. We all, even John, stumble, fall, and don't understand the plans that God has for us. When I think of my life thus far, I am humbled. I have had a life of abundant blessings and I am so thankful for the Lord walking with me even when I don't realize He's holding my hand. I am in the process of completing applications for many positions that call me to nurture and serve my university. I feel such a strong pull to these positions that it is almost unnatural. I took me until this morning to realize that my desire to help others isn't to satisfy my own needs, but to serve the Lord by serving others. God wants to touch these people and I have the opportunity to be that link. It's a humbling feeling. I don't know how I became so blessed, but I won't let these opportunities pass. I am so excited to serve others to thus serve God. I will forever be amazed by His plans for my life. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me." (John 14:1)
Monday, October 22, 2012
My Calling
We often hear highly successful people talk about finding their "calling" early in life. It could be a student using a camera for the first time and feeling this instant draw towards photography. It could be a child watching his mother fight cancer and he discovers his passion for science/human research. Any moment, something inside of us can be triggered and our lives can be transformed. We can instantly feel a calling so strong that our lives readjust and focus on this one interest to the point of complete submersion. How and when we discover this desire and hope for our lives looks, feels, and develops differently for every person.
My question is: how do we know if we've discovered our calling? I have felt many strong desires to intern with a company, apply for different leadership positions, and take risks to understand who I am and what I want out of life. Are one of those instances, organizations, or causes my lifelong calling?
I was nominated for positions in my sorority of high honor. I had to decide whether to take one of those positions and dedicate the next year to my sorority, or to take a lesser position so that I could pursue my interests elsewhere. I called my dad (aka the voice of reason) and he asked me to describe the sorority positions that I was considering. Without realizing it, I deviated from the actual question and ended up talking my passion to give back and help others. I spoke about my desire to be an Orientation Leader (OL) to help and guide incoming freshmen. I spoke for a solid few minutes about how important the OL opportunity was to me--which would prevent me from pursuing a larger sorority position--and when I stopped for a moment to breathe I realized that I had already made up my mind... I was going to forgo a position of higher rank, so that I could pursue my passion to help others. My chances of becoming an OL are 1 in 1,000 (although I hope that I receive the position), but I have to try and I can feel in my heart that this is my calling.
My calling is to help others, in any way that I can. I have been given so many opportunities, some that I have taken and some that I've passed up, but all of them have led me to this point. I am here for a reason and I can somehow feel that I can make a difference. Even if this calling lasts for just a few months or a year, my calling to help others will always be there. For me, that seems "right" enough.
My question is: how do we know if we've discovered our calling? I have felt many strong desires to intern with a company, apply for different leadership positions, and take risks to understand who I am and what I want out of life. Are one of those instances, organizations, or causes my lifelong calling?
I was nominated for positions in my sorority of high honor. I had to decide whether to take one of those positions and dedicate the next year to my sorority, or to take a lesser position so that I could pursue my interests elsewhere. I called my dad (aka the voice of reason) and he asked me to describe the sorority positions that I was considering. Without realizing it, I deviated from the actual question and ended up talking my passion to give back and help others. I spoke about my desire to be an Orientation Leader (OL) to help and guide incoming freshmen. I spoke for a solid few minutes about how important the OL opportunity was to me--which would prevent me from pursuing a larger sorority position--and when I stopped for a moment to breathe I realized that I had already made up my mind... I was going to forgo a position of higher rank, so that I could pursue my passion to help others. My chances of becoming an OL are 1 in 1,000 (although I hope that I receive the position), but I have to try and I can feel in my heart that this is my calling.
My calling is to help others, in any way that I can. I have been given so many opportunities, some that I have taken and some that I've passed up, but all of them have led me to this point. I am here for a reason and I can somehow feel that I can make a difference. Even if this calling lasts for just a few months or a year, my calling to help others will always be there. For me, that seems "right" enough.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Just Ask
I reread one of my favorite books, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, last week and it has so many good points about life and how to live fully. One piece of advice that Pausch gives in the book is that it never hurts to ask. He explains that asking questions is the only way to understand things fully; you will never know an answer if you don't ask.
I never thought too much about this piece of advice, instead focusing in on his ideas on how to overcome life's obstacles and channel your inner kid. However, going through the drive-thru at McDonald's yesterday, it hit me how important this piece of advice is and how much I actually do it. I was just getting a Diet Coke, which I've done many times before since McDonald's has the $1 any size drink special. I spoke into the speaker, was told to drive around to the first window, and saw $1.89 as my final bill. I had already pulled $1.07 (darn tax) out of my wallet, expecting that to be my total. I pulled around to the first window and when the clerk asked me for $1.89, I decided to ask, "Is the $1 drink deal no longer going on?" She kind of looked at me for a minute--I could see her brain processing my question--then she turned to the register and said that she would fix my total. I was confused, "Wait, the $1 drink special isn't over?" She said, "No, we just got a new computer system; so, when I type in a large drink it doesn't come up as $1. We still have the signs up though, so we honor it." (aka, if you wouldn't have asked, I would have just charged you more).
I know that it's only like $0.75, which is so minuscule in the scheme of things, but money is money (this is the college kid in me speaking). I could have just gone in my wallet and gotten another dollar and paid $1.89, but just by asking about the drink deal, I got the price reduced. No one likes to hear "No." I think that our society has forgotten this word all together in many situations. I want to relearn the word though. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You ask a question and someone says "no?" You still breathing? Yes? So, what's the harm in asking...? My question exactly!
I never thought too much about this piece of advice, instead focusing in on his ideas on how to overcome life's obstacles and channel your inner kid. However, going through the drive-thru at McDonald's yesterday, it hit me how important this piece of advice is and how much I actually do it. I was just getting a Diet Coke, which I've done many times before since McDonald's has the $1 any size drink special. I spoke into the speaker, was told to drive around to the first window, and saw $1.89 as my final bill. I had already pulled $1.07 (darn tax) out of my wallet, expecting that to be my total. I pulled around to the first window and when the clerk asked me for $1.89, I decided to ask, "Is the $1 drink deal no longer going on?" She kind of looked at me for a minute--I could see her brain processing my question--then she turned to the register and said that she would fix my total. I was confused, "Wait, the $1 drink special isn't over?" She said, "No, we just got a new computer system; so, when I type in a large drink it doesn't come up as $1. We still have the signs up though, so we honor it." (aka, if you wouldn't have asked, I would have just charged you more).
I know that it's only like $0.75, which is so minuscule in the scheme of things, but money is money (this is the college kid in me speaking). I could have just gone in my wallet and gotten another dollar and paid $1.89, but just by asking about the drink deal, I got the price reduced. No one likes to hear "No." I think that our society has forgotten this word all together in many situations. I want to relearn the word though. After all, what's the worst that can happen? You ask a question and someone says "no?" You still breathing? Yes? So, what's the harm in asking...? My question exactly!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Something As Simple As An Email
It's no secret that my high school assistant principal, Richie, has had a tremendous influence on my life. He has motivated me to do so much and pushed me to be better. He's inspired me and helped me. I am forever grateful. I don't keep up with him as much as I'd like to; a few emails each year and an occasional visit are our only connection now that I'm three years out of high school. Yet, he is still one of my biggest role models on how to be an effective leader.
Last week though, I reached out to him. I am taking a leadership class this semester and we had to write about a person who we admire as a leader and three traits that make them a good leader. It should be obvious that I wrote about Richie and I decided to email him with my answers and just thank him for all of the time that he spent helping me over the years and how much I still look to him as a mentor. He emailed me back and thanked me profusely for the accolades. We emailed once or twice more and that was it. Tonight however, as I waited in the checkout line at the store (I was quite annoyed that it was taking so long), I heard my phone beep. I pulled it out and saw an email from Richie that read:
Last week though, I reached out to him. I am taking a leadership class this semester and we had to write about a person who we admire as a leader and three traits that make them a good leader. It should be obvious that I wrote about Richie and I decided to email him with my answers and just thank him for all of the time that he spent helping me over the years and how much I still look to him as a mentor. He emailed me back and thanked me profusely for the accolades. We emailed once or twice more and that was it. Tonight however, as I waited in the checkout line at the store (I was quite annoyed that it was taking so long), I heard my phone beep. I pulled it out and saw an email from Richie that read:
I had one of those days today...... I went back to your e-mail and am re-energized. Thanks Megan! You are an incredible young lady.
One thing you should know about Richie is that he's never been good about emailing back promptly. So, seeing an email from him left me stunned in the check-out line. More than that though, I feel that I was able to finally give something back to him. He gave so much of his time and effort to help me in my endeavors in high school and, while I thanked him many times, I never felt like it was enough. Then, this email came. Something so small as an email that I sent to him was able to make his day better and give him energy to keep going tomorrow. It seems so small, yet it means so much.
My goal everyday is to make someone's day brighter. Whether it's a smile to a frowning stranger or a cheerful "How are you doin' today?" to a clerk at the store, I want to make other people smile; I want to make someone else's day. It's my daily goal. I live for people. They energize me without even knowing it and I want to give back to them. This email from my mentor was the ultimate accomplishment for me. It's a reminder that the little things in life (like sending a silly email with 3 simple traits on it) can have the biggest impacts in our lives.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Missing Out
Sometimes I wonder if I've missed out on the "college experience." You know, the one that you see in the movies and hear about (especially at UGA): going downtown and to parties every week, drinking, and having a fake ID. Even just writing it, I know that these things don't represent who I am so it's a little confusing why I'm even writing this.
We can always play the "What if" game. What if I decided to go to Michigan State instead of Georgia? What if I chose another sorority over the one that I am in? What if I kept my major as Nutritional Sciences? What if I said this instead of that? What if? It can be exhausting and I used to live my life playing that game. I decided a few months/years ago (I can't really remember when I decided this, but anyways) that I was going to live life and not second guess things. Without a doubt, this decision has made me a better person and I have enjoyed every experience and opportunity that I have been afforded.
Yet, it's nights like last night and seeing photos of people downtown that make me second guess my decisions. What if I did go downtown and drink all the time? Would I have more friends? More funny stories? More excitement in my life? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my friends and I do have hilarious stories from the past 2 years of college, but I can't help but think of these "What if's" when my friends all head downtown for the night and I'm stuck at home watching a movie or doing homework (I'm a nerd, I admit it.). Will I get a fake ID? No. I'm a rule follower by nature and breaking a law like that is not even a question. I won't do it. But does that mean that I'm living too safe of a life and not enjoying my 20s?
Today makes the 6 months until I turn 21. I know that those months will fly by and before I know it I'll be dreading my 22 or 23 birthday. But watching a lot of my friends turn 21 and go downtown and those younger than me go out each weekend makes me wonder if I'm missing good times and not fully living. Kind of depressing to think about and I know that God made me the way that I am for a reason, but I still can't help but wonder.
We can always play the "What if" game. What if I decided to go to Michigan State instead of Georgia? What if I chose another sorority over the one that I am in? What if I kept my major as Nutritional Sciences? What if I said this instead of that? What if? It can be exhausting and I used to live my life playing that game. I decided a few months/years ago (I can't really remember when I decided this, but anyways) that I was going to live life and not second guess things. Without a doubt, this decision has made me a better person and I have enjoyed every experience and opportunity that I have been afforded.
Yet, it's nights like last night and seeing photos of people downtown that make me second guess my decisions. What if I did go downtown and drink all the time? Would I have more friends? More funny stories? More excitement in my life? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my friends and I do have hilarious stories from the past 2 years of college, but I can't help but think of these "What if's" when my friends all head downtown for the night and I'm stuck at home watching a movie or doing homework (I'm a nerd, I admit it.). Will I get a fake ID? No. I'm a rule follower by nature and breaking a law like that is not even a question. I won't do it. But does that mean that I'm living too safe of a life and not enjoying my 20s?
Today makes the 6 months until I turn 21. I know that those months will fly by and before I know it I'll be dreading my 22 or 23 birthday. But watching a lot of my friends turn 21 and go downtown and those younger than me go out each weekend makes me wonder if I'm missing good times and not fully living. Kind of depressing to think about and I know that God made me the way that I am for a reason, but I still can't help but wonder.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Dominos & Dancing
I don't want to say that I've had a hard time the past few weeks, months, or years. I have an amazing life and I am beyond blessed! But over the past two years I have struggled with finding a good set of friends who have my back and are there for me. I would think that I found my group, something would happen, their true colors would show, and I would end up hurt or realize that these people weren't for me.
My friends from high school are like rocks: they aren't going anywhere. That being said, we've drifted from each other as time has passed. Two weeks ago all four of us went to Georgia Tech for a girl's night out, it was like no time had passed at all. We fell back into our fast bantering, witty remarks and endless laughter. It was a wonderful reminder that while we might not be as close anymore--although I pray with every fiber of my being that we all reconnect soon--they will always be there for me.
This past weekend I went with some friends to my roommate's lake house. It was a rainy day, but that didn't stop us. We were on the boat while the sun was out and we were playing dominos while it was raining. Nothing darkened our mood. Everyone was so happy and seemed to not have a care in the world. All of the work and obligations that awaited us when we got back, seemed to vanish and we were able to enjoy each other's company. It was refreshing to say the least. Saturday night we went to a big party (mostly parents) and spent about 3-4 hours dancing. Just dancing. I've danced before and I love it, but this was different. This wasn't perfect and every move wasn't coordinated, but it felt amazing.
Afterwards we laid on the dock and gazed at the stars. It took my breath away and in that moment I realized that God has given me so many gifts, like dominos and dancing. No matter how small or how large these gifts are there. My mother instilled a tradition in me that when you receive a present, you always hand-write a thank you card. I keep up this tradition, because I know how wonderful it is to receive a letter in the mail. God has given me these gifts and I need to thank him. Last I heard, God hasn't given out his exact address in Heaven so, instead, I'm going to pray. Pray for those less fortunate, pray for those who haven't seen the Light, pray for those who have drifted from the Lord. I have no set backs in my life if I choose to have no set backs. So, today starts my positivity/thankful/humbled perspective on life and, so far, things are looking pretty good!
My friends from high school are like rocks: they aren't going anywhere. That being said, we've drifted from each other as time has passed. Two weeks ago all four of us went to Georgia Tech for a girl's night out, it was like no time had passed at all. We fell back into our fast bantering, witty remarks and endless laughter. It was a wonderful reminder that while we might not be as close anymore--although I pray with every fiber of my being that we all reconnect soon--they will always be there for me.
This past weekend I went with some friends to my roommate's lake house. It was a rainy day, but that didn't stop us. We were on the boat while the sun was out and we were playing dominos while it was raining. Nothing darkened our mood. Everyone was so happy and seemed to not have a care in the world. All of the work and obligations that awaited us when we got back, seemed to vanish and we were able to enjoy each other's company. It was refreshing to say the least. Saturday night we went to a big party (mostly parents) and spent about 3-4 hours dancing. Just dancing. I've danced before and I love it, but this was different. This wasn't perfect and every move wasn't coordinated, but it felt amazing.
Afterwards we laid on the dock and gazed at the stars. It took my breath away and in that moment I realized that God has given me so many gifts, like dominos and dancing. No matter how small or how large these gifts are there. My mother instilled a tradition in me that when you receive a present, you always hand-write a thank you card. I keep up this tradition, because I know how wonderful it is to receive a letter in the mail. God has given me these gifts and I need to thank him. Last I heard, God hasn't given out his exact address in Heaven so, instead, I'm going to pray. Pray for those less fortunate, pray for those who haven't seen the Light, pray for those who have drifted from the Lord. I have no set backs in my life if I choose to have no set backs. So, today starts my positivity/thankful/humbled perspective on life and, so far, things are looking pretty good!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Steam Out The Ears
Do you remember the cartoons you watched as a kid and when someone got angry their head would turn red and steam would shoot out their ears? That red headed, steam out the ears, steady lipped cartoon character has been me in true living form this summer.
My Italian professor drives me to that point. Every day! Last week I asked if she was going to Chick-fil-a's Cow Appreciation Day--a question that most people would call small talk--and she said no because Chick-fil-a doesn't support homosexuals. Now, I'm not going to say that I agree with Chick-fil-a. I believe that discrimination against anyone is wrong and I don't like it. However, having a professor pinpoint you for eating at a restaurant that she dislikes and says that I am wrong for eating there. I'm sorry, what? Yesterday, I miss pronounced a word and the word that I did say wasn't a good one. So instead of just correcting me and moving on, she told me to not say that or else she would have to tell Father Tom (she and her husband go to my church) that I was saying bad things.
Call me crazy, but I don't think that that is right or appropriate and it's extremely judgmental. I've been venting almost every day to my roommate about how much I hate this professor and today I am stopping. Today, I am making the conscious decision to pray for her. I'm going to pray for her until it kills me and then I am going to pray that I have patience and a level head. AND I am going to kill my next 3 exams. Her negativity and rude comments are not going to hold me back any more. I have to keep reminding myself too that, in a way, it is a blessing that I have this professor over the summer. While it's made for a long, dreadful summer, I only have to deal with her for 2 months. If I had her during a regular semester, I would have had to deal with her for 5 months. Now that is something is thank the Lord for. Here's to being the bigger person and praying every moment while I'm in that class for positive thoughts!
My Italian professor drives me to that point. Every day! Last week I asked if she was going to Chick-fil-a's Cow Appreciation Day--a question that most people would call small talk--and she said no because Chick-fil-a doesn't support homosexuals. Now, I'm not going to say that I agree with Chick-fil-a. I believe that discrimination against anyone is wrong and I don't like it. However, having a professor pinpoint you for eating at a restaurant that she dislikes and says that I am wrong for eating there. I'm sorry, what? Yesterday, I miss pronounced a word and the word that I did say wasn't a good one. So instead of just correcting me and moving on, she told me to not say that or else she would have to tell Father Tom (she and her husband go to my church) that I was saying bad things.
Call me crazy, but I don't think that that is right or appropriate and it's extremely judgmental. I've been venting almost every day to my roommate about how much I hate this professor and today I am stopping. Today, I am making the conscious decision to pray for her. I'm going to pray for her until it kills me and then I am going to pray that I have patience and a level head. AND I am going to kill my next 3 exams. Her negativity and rude comments are not going to hold me back any more. I have to keep reminding myself too that, in a way, it is a blessing that I have this professor over the summer. While it's made for a long, dreadful summer, I only have to deal with her for 2 months. If I had her during a regular semester, I would have had to deal with her for 5 months. Now that is something is thank the Lord for. Here's to being the bigger person and praying every moment while I'm in that class for positive thoughts!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Kicks and Giggles
Somehow I always end up writing a blog post before a big exam... What are you going to do? If you're me, turn on the Harry Potter marathon and crank out a post. Plus, today was too good of a day not to write about, so here we gooo!
My day consisted of church, brunch, studying, gym, dinner with friends, ice cream, and now Harry Potter. Not too bad, right? Church this morning was especially good; I have found myself seeing and understanding deeper meanings of bible passages each time I leave the Catholic Center. Today, the priest spoke about how people can see the same situation in different ways. Some can see the positive and some only see the negative--those Debbie Downers drive me nuts! But, his point was a valid one. We can spend out lives wallowing in the negative aspects of our lives, but that will only lead us to disappointment after disappointment. My goal has been and will continue to be to find the good in every day, situation, and moment.
For dinner, I went with some friends to a sushi place. I can't remember laughing so much in one hour. Afterwards, we hung out for a little bit and went to get ice cream. My roommate and I ended up splitting a peanut butter double chocolate half gallon... Yeah, I'm a happy camper. But it's something as simple as ice cream that negates the hours of studying that I've suffered through over the past few days. Simple happiness. It's pure; it's honest; it's life. And life is pretty darn good.
My day consisted of church, brunch, studying, gym, dinner with friends, ice cream, and now Harry Potter. Not too bad, right? Church this morning was especially good; I have found myself seeing and understanding deeper meanings of bible passages each time I leave the Catholic Center. Today, the priest spoke about how people can see the same situation in different ways. Some can see the positive and some only see the negative--those Debbie Downers drive me nuts! But, his point was a valid one. We can spend out lives wallowing in the negative aspects of our lives, but that will only lead us to disappointment after disappointment. My goal has been and will continue to be to find the good in every day, situation, and moment.
For dinner, I went with some friends to a sushi place. I can't remember laughing so much in one hour. Afterwards, we hung out for a little bit and went to get ice cream. My roommate and I ended up splitting a peanut butter double chocolate half gallon... Yeah, I'm a happy camper. But it's something as simple as ice cream that negates the hours of studying that I've suffered through over the past few days. Simple happiness. It's pure; it's honest; it's life. And life is pretty darn good.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Let Go And Let God
When I was speaking with my mother today she gave me an update about a person that I knew in high school. This guy was a soccer star and hung out with the popular crowd. I didn't know him personally--in fact, I'm not sure I ever spoke to him--but he seemed like a nice person. My mother told me that he recently decided to join the Catholic Priesthood. (crickets) Yeah, my jaw dropped. This kid who had everything going for him in high school decided to join the priesthood? I never would have guess... ever! At first, the new information about this acquaintance was shocking, but as it sunk in I have a new respect and awe for this man.
He told my mom that he had heard God knocking for a while and tried to ignore it, but finally he couldn't keep the door shut anymore. What a calling! I see the beauty in taking the time to hear and understand the Lord, but I am inspired by hearing what the Lord has to say, letting go of the reins on your life, and letting God take over. It's an amazing process and where God is leading him is perhaps the most rewarding profession.
I am a Christian, so I know of this process. Yet, looking at my own life, I can't say that I have let God take full control. I'm a control freak and love to have my days and weeks planned out, but what if my plans aren't the same as God's? Do I listen? Do I change my path and go the direction that the Lord wants me to? I want to say yes, but I know that I can do better and that I am sometimes selfish. I want to hear God every moment of every day, but I must first learn to clear my mind and my life of meaningless clutter. I know the difference between right and wrong and I believe that I am letting God steer my life subconsciously, but I want to consciously let Him take over. It's the greatest gift I can give myself. Perhaps my mom running into that boy from my high school and sharing his story was God's way of saying, "Listen." If so, then it worked. My ears, eyes, and heart are open.
He told my mom that he had heard God knocking for a while and tried to ignore it, but finally he couldn't keep the door shut anymore. What a calling! I see the beauty in taking the time to hear and understand the Lord, but I am inspired by hearing what the Lord has to say, letting go of the reins on your life, and letting God take over. It's an amazing process and where God is leading him is perhaps the most rewarding profession.
I am a Christian, so I know of this process. Yet, looking at my own life, I can't say that I have let God take full control. I'm a control freak and love to have my days and weeks planned out, but what if my plans aren't the same as God's? Do I listen? Do I change my path and go the direction that the Lord wants me to? I want to say yes, but I know that I can do better and that I am sometimes selfish. I want to hear God every moment of every day, but I must first learn to clear my mind and my life of meaningless clutter. I know the difference between right and wrong and I believe that I am letting God steer my life subconsciously, but I want to consciously let Him take over. It's the greatest gift I can give myself. Perhaps my mom running into that boy from my high school and sharing his story was God's way of saying, "Listen." If so, then it worked. My ears, eyes, and heart are open.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Big Girl Pants
It never fails. When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, my mind starts racing. Sometimes it's happy thoughts, other times scary, etc. As I was falling asleep last night (or at least trying too), a new thought dawned upon me...
Over the past 3 weeks, I've been moving in, painting and arranging my new apartment and yesterday I finished painting the last piece of furniture. So what do I do now? The past few weeks have been so busy and my roommate and I have been trying to see how much we can get done each day. It's been a great bonding experience for her and me and we've accomplished a lot. Now, though, I have to start to lead a normal life--I'm sure you're laughing right now, but bare with me.
I've been extremely fortunate throughout my life. My parents have been well employed and have financially supported me. Now, although they are still paying in the end, I am getting the rent, electric and water bills. I am cooking all my own meals (I was meal plan the past 2 years) and I am cleaning a whole apartment, not just a tiny room shared with multiple roommates. It's been a new experience for me, an experience that I've longed for since I can remember. I've always wanted my own place to decorate and host parties. Now that it is my reality, I can't help but reminisce about all the years I spent cradling this dream/idea. Where did all those years go? Am I really old enough to live on my own?
It's a weird feeling. While all of this was in the back of my head last night, the thought that startled me the most and the thought that I want to focus on is that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. There is no more dorms, no more meal plans, no more authoritative figure watching my every move. From now on I will be in an apartment or a house, paying bills, cooking for myself and having to clean up after myself (no more "I cook, you clean" business from my parents). I have to strap on those big girl pants that have been sitting on the side lines of my life just waiting for the day when I was ready to wear them. I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. It's time to grow up. Now that it's "time" though, I don't want to take on more responsibility. I don't want to get a job or figure out my future. I want to spend my summers by the pool reading a book and my school years studying and hanging out with friends. I'm beginning to feel and see the weight (opportunities/future) of the world on my horizon. Honestly, I have to say it's quite daunting and I'd be happy to stay 20 forever. Well maybe 21 forever, for obvious reasons... although turning 21 is a scary thought too--that's so old!
Over the past 3 weeks, I've been moving in, painting and arranging my new apartment and yesterday I finished painting the last piece of furniture. So what do I do now? The past few weeks have been so busy and my roommate and I have been trying to see how much we can get done each day. It's been a great bonding experience for her and me and we've accomplished a lot. Now, though, I have to start to lead a normal life--I'm sure you're laughing right now, but bare with me.
I've been extremely fortunate throughout my life. My parents have been well employed and have financially supported me. Now, although they are still paying in the end, I am getting the rent, electric and water bills. I am cooking all my own meals (I was meal plan the past 2 years) and I am cleaning a whole apartment, not just a tiny room shared with multiple roommates. It's been a new experience for me, an experience that I've longed for since I can remember. I've always wanted my own place to decorate and host parties. Now that it is my reality, I can't help but reminisce about all the years I spent cradling this dream/idea. Where did all those years go? Am I really old enough to live on my own?
It's a weird feeling. While all of this was in the back of my head last night, the thought that startled me the most and the thought that I want to focus on is that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. There is no more dorms, no more meal plans, no more authoritative figure watching my every move. From now on I will be in an apartment or a house, paying bills, cooking for myself and having to clean up after myself (no more "I cook, you clean" business from my parents). I have to strap on those big girl pants that have been sitting on the side lines of my life just waiting for the day when I was ready to wear them. I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. It's time to grow up. Now that it's "time" though, I don't want to take on more responsibility. I don't want to get a job or figure out my future. I want to spend my summers by the pool reading a book and my school years studying and hanging out with friends. I'm beginning to feel and see the weight (opportunities/future) of the world on my horizon. Honestly, I have to say it's quite daunting and I'd be happy to stay 20 forever. Well maybe 21 forever, for obvious reasons... although turning 21 is a scary thought too--that's so old!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Discovering Me
I am back home for the holiday weekend and so I took the opportunity to meet up with some of my best friends from high school. It's always exciting to see them and to be all together again--I don't think I'm old enough to say "like the good ole times" but it's fitting. These get togethers are always a little stiff at first: getting to know who the others are and who they have become. We went from being best friends and knowing the other's business to seeing each other every few months. It's a weird realization, but it's reality.
Anyways, my one friend was talking about starting a non-profit organization in college and we began to reminisce about how involved we were in high school (she was student body president and I was VP... only a little involved). The same non-profit that she is starting at her school is at mine and she asked if I was on the exec board or how involved I was. I am not that involved, just your standard, run-of-the-mill volunteer. I love my role in the organization and all that it stands for. I am happy. But I explained to her that the exec board approached me and asked if I would be on the board and help organize the event. I was flattered that they asked, but I declined.
A little while ago I decided that I was going to declutter my life and declining that position was part of it. I'm not saying that I am going to completely unplug. I'm 99.9% sure that that would be impossible for me. I love to be involved. However, I made a conscious decision to not sign up for more than I could handle. I got to a point last semester where I was constantly running from meeting to meeting to study group to meeting. I didn't have any "me" time. So I decided to slowly back off my volunteering and figure out who I am. Sounds daunting, doesn't it? I can't lie. It really is. I think that I had become so bogged down in organizations, positions, material possessions, etc. that I forgot what I wanted out of life. I am the volunteering, do-gooder (or at least I try to be) and I don't want to change that. When I volunteer or put forth an extra-special effort for something, I want there to be meaning behind it other than it just makes me feel good. I want to discover why I am the way that I am and why I want to volunteer and be involved. None of this is making sense in my mind and it's even more confusing in writing, but I want the things that I do to be a concious decision made by me and not just a routine that I fall into. I want to make a different in people's lives; that is my goal. But, I don't think that I can do that without first making a difference/discovery in my own life.... if that makes sense, which it probably doesn't, but there it is for what it's worth.
Anyways, my one friend was talking about starting a non-profit organization in college and we began to reminisce about how involved we were in high school (she was student body president and I was VP... only a little involved). The same non-profit that she is starting at her school is at mine and she asked if I was on the exec board or how involved I was. I am not that involved, just your standard, run-of-the-mill volunteer. I love my role in the organization and all that it stands for. I am happy. But I explained to her that the exec board approached me and asked if I would be on the board and help organize the event. I was flattered that they asked, but I declined.
A little while ago I decided that I was going to declutter my life and declining that position was part of it. I'm not saying that I am going to completely unplug. I'm 99.9% sure that that would be impossible for me. I love to be involved. However, I made a conscious decision to not sign up for more than I could handle. I got to a point last semester where I was constantly running from meeting to meeting to study group to meeting. I didn't have any "me" time. So I decided to slowly back off my volunteering and figure out who I am. Sounds daunting, doesn't it? I can't lie. It really is. I think that I had become so bogged down in organizations, positions, material possessions, etc. that I forgot what I wanted out of life. I am the volunteering, do-gooder (or at least I try to be) and I don't want to change that. When I volunteer or put forth an extra-special effort for something, I want there to be meaning behind it other than it just makes me feel good. I want to discover why I am the way that I am and why I want to volunteer and be involved. None of this is making sense in my mind and it's even more confusing in writing, but I want the things that I do to be a concious decision made by me and not just a routine that I fall into. I want to make a different in people's lives; that is my goal. But, I don't think that I can do that without first making a difference/discovery in my own life.... if that makes sense, which it probably doesn't, but there it is for what it's worth.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Pure Happiness
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| My littles and I in the north fountain. |
Although it's finals and I am stressing over my classes, staining my teeth from the amount of coffee I'm drinking, and developing serious black circles under my eyes, I am happy! I have so much to be thankful for and those blessing make me only more excited for the summer and the next year. God is good! I know I complain like crazy--I'm the first to admit it--and I know that I shouldn't because I have no reason to.
Love this crazy, hilarious, awkward, bumpy, fun, beautiful life that I've been given! #soblessed
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I Wanna Talk About Me
Did you know that Toby Keith is the original rapper? Yes, Toby Keith the country singer. Yes, a rapper. His song, I Wanna Talk About Me, came out in 2001 and is all out how his girlfriend--or maybe just women in general--always talk about themselves and bring up conversation topics that guys could care less about. (I know I should stick up for my sex, but it's true. We do ramble about seemingly pointless topics. Sorry, guys). Go look up the music video, it's pretty hysterical.
When the song came out, I was 9 years old and listened to and loved country radio just like my dad. I Wanna Talk About Me was MY song and my dad knew it. So, when he heard the tune start up, he'd turn up the volume to the point where we could feel the car shaking with the base, and smile and chuckle to himself as I began to excitedly squirm in my seat. I knew every word and could keep up with Toby easily. Belting out this fast paced song, with my sunglasses on and my hand flowing in "waves" out the window is a vivid and favorite memory of my childhood.
In case you didn't do the math earlier in this post, I'm 20 years old now--no longer a teen, I know. It's depressing. Well, this song came on when I was on my way home from college two days ago. And just like when I was 9, the radio got cranked up and a huge grin slid onto my face. (No sunglasses, though, since it was 10:30pm. Yeah, I was disappointed too.) But, I still remembered every word! (Don't you wish we could remember educational things like we remember song lyrics? School would be so much easier!) Back to the point. Hearing MY song again reminded me of my dad and my childhood. If I was getting sleepy on that ride home, hearing the familiar tune woke me right up. It was awesome!
The point of this whole thing is that something as simple as a song is the perfect reminder of the simplicity of memories and how they stay with us for a lifetime. Each day we are making memories, whether we're conscious of it or not. I think that we--that is everyone over the age of 14 or so-- tends to get bogged down with the negativity in life. Ten years down the road, you don't want all of these negative things to cloud your memories. Making fun, happy memories seems like a simple task, but the older I get, the harder this tends to be. College is hard and I find my self skipping nights out with my friends to study or get ahead. I'm not saying that I need to stop studying, I'm just saying that I could definitely take a night or two off once in a while. Just like learning all the words to Toby's song was a challenge, focusing on the positive and living a happy life is my new challenge. And all I have to say is, I'm ready! :)
When the song came out, I was 9 years old and listened to and loved country radio just like my dad. I Wanna Talk About Me was MY song and my dad knew it. So, when he heard the tune start up, he'd turn up the volume to the point where we could feel the car shaking with the base, and smile and chuckle to himself as I began to excitedly squirm in my seat. I knew every word and could keep up with Toby easily. Belting out this fast paced song, with my sunglasses on and my hand flowing in "waves" out the window is a vivid and favorite memory of my childhood.
In case you didn't do the math earlier in this post, I'm 20 years old now--no longer a teen, I know. It's depressing. Well, this song came on when I was on my way home from college two days ago. And just like when I was 9, the radio got cranked up and a huge grin slid onto my face. (No sunglasses, though, since it was 10:30pm. Yeah, I was disappointed too.) But, I still remembered every word! (Don't you wish we could remember educational things like we remember song lyrics? School would be so much easier!) Back to the point. Hearing MY song again reminded me of my dad and my childhood. If I was getting sleepy on that ride home, hearing the familiar tune woke me right up. It was awesome!
The point of this whole thing is that something as simple as a song is the perfect reminder of the simplicity of memories and how they stay with us for a lifetime. Each day we are making memories, whether we're conscious of it or not. I think that we--that is everyone over the age of 14 or so-- tends to get bogged down with the negativity in life. Ten years down the road, you don't want all of these negative things to cloud your memories. Making fun, happy memories seems like a simple task, but the older I get, the harder this tends to be. College is hard and I find my self skipping nights out with my friends to study or get ahead. I'm not saying that I need to stop studying, I'm just saying that I could definitely take a night or two off once in a while. Just like learning all the words to Toby's song was a challenge, focusing on the positive and living a happy life is my new challenge. And all I have to say is, I'm ready! :)
Friday, April 6, 2012
Ah-Ha Moment
As humans, we're inquisitive. We LOVE asking questions. We all know those people, where every other sentence seems to be a question. I'm guilty of it, we all are at times. Recently though, I feel like I have been questioning the Lord more than I used to. Maybe I realize this because my relationship with Christ has become deeper and more rich, but I'm unsure.
The question that I want to highlight is why I ended up at UGA. I made the decision to not go to Michigan State 2 years ago and I still get asked, "why did you want to go to the University of Georgia?" My answer usually involves being close to my family, the beautiful campus, etc. While these are 100% true, I've known--subconsciously-- that God changed my mind about MSU and made me send in my deposit for UGA. But why? What crazy plan did he have working in my life 2 years ago? I think I know, at least part of his plan now.
I was just recently accepted to the Certificate of Personal and Organizational Leadership (CPOL) program at UGA. Each year, only 60 students are selected from the hundreds that apply. I am still in shock and completely humbled that I was selected. Our orientation sessions was on Wednesday night and that is where the Lord's plan hit me. As I sat there and listened to professors and students explain the program and the classes that we will be taking, I couldn't knock the smile off my face. I was hearing these refined and seemingly dignified people talk about self-discovery and personal knowledge that has led them to become more insightful in their lives and towards the people they come into contact with. The explained how meditation and deep thought through the classes I will soon be taking has led them to not only become better leaders, but better people. Without warning, a feeling of peace, realization, and understanding washed over me.
This moment, this opportunity, this program is the reason, or one of the main ones at least, that God inspired me to go to UGA. To develop my thoughts and passions to better serve those around me. That is leadership and he is giving me this chance to learn more about myself and how I can help other, thus serving him more completely. It was hard to shut my month after the meeting. I wanted to tell everyone that I came into contact with that I am at peace with myself and where I am in my life. I still have questions and I don't think I will ever stop asking them, but this understanding out the CPOL program and God's plan for me has reassured me that, while I might ask questions, God will answer them when he is ready. He will open my eyes to the greatness that is his light and his plan when I can handle it. We all have trials and tribulations in our lives and although earthly materials cloud our thoughts, we must remember that Christ has our best intentions in mind and that, through Him, we will be ok.
The question that I want to highlight is why I ended up at UGA. I made the decision to not go to Michigan State 2 years ago and I still get asked, "why did you want to go to the University of Georgia?" My answer usually involves being close to my family, the beautiful campus, etc. While these are 100% true, I've known--subconsciously-- that God changed my mind about MSU and made me send in my deposit for UGA. But why? What crazy plan did he have working in my life 2 years ago? I think I know, at least part of his plan now.
I was just recently accepted to the Certificate of Personal and Organizational Leadership (CPOL) program at UGA. Each year, only 60 students are selected from the hundreds that apply. I am still in shock and completely humbled that I was selected. Our orientation sessions was on Wednesday night and that is where the Lord's plan hit me. As I sat there and listened to professors and students explain the program and the classes that we will be taking, I couldn't knock the smile off my face. I was hearing these refined and seemingly dignified people talk about self-discovery and personal knowledge that has led them to become more insightful in their lives and towards the people they come into contact with. The explained how meditation and deep thought through the classes I will soon be taking has led them to not only become better leaders, but better people. Without warning, a feeling of peace, realization, and understanding washed over me.
This moment, this opportunity, this program is the reason, or one of the main ones at least, that God inspired me to go to UGA. To develop my thoughts and passions to better serve those around me. That is leadership and he is giving me this chance to learn more about myself and how I can help other, thus serving him more completely. It was hard to shut my month after the meeting. I wanted to tell everyone that I came into contact with that I am at peace with myself and where I am in my life. I still have questions and I don't think I will ever stop asking them, but this understanding out the CPOL program and God's plan for me has reassured me that, while I might ask questions, God will answer them when he is ready. He will open my eyes to the greatness that is his light and his plan when I can handle it. We all have trials and tribulations in our lives and although earthly materials cloud our thoughts, we must remember that Christ has our best intentions in mind and that, through Him, we will be ok.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Reassurance is Bliss
Yesterday I had a minor--ok, a really big--freakout about my lenten sacrifice. Was I giving up enough? Was I really showing my faith in Christ if I wasn't giving up the things that I am addicted to? I called my mom last night to run the whole thing by her, and while that helped to calm my heart and mind, I was still uneasy about my decision to give up Twitter and flavored water. I felt like it wasn't enough.
I got my reassurance that those two things are enough this afternoon. Today was an amazingly beautiful day! We're talking sunny, no clouds in sight, and 75 degrees. B-e-a-utiful! I went to Starbucks (shocker, I know) to celebrate the gorgeous weather and while I was standing there waiting for my drink, I had the urge to tweet about the great weather and the Starbucks about to be in my hand. Then, later when I was sitting on the front lawn doing homework, I wanted to tweet about the low hum of country music coming from the fraternity across the street and the sun streaming down on my skin. It was a strange feeling. I gave up Twitter as an alternative to Facebook because I need Facebook for school and my internship. I know I'm not as addicted to Twitter as I am to Facebook; I didn't event think I was addicted to Twitter. The desires that I felt this afternoon to tweet, answered my question from yesterday. My sacrifices are enough.
The best part is that every time I wanted to tweet today and I realized that I couldn't, an idea popped into my head: who cares? Who cares what I have to say or what I'm doing? It cracks me up that I became addicted to something that serves very little purpose other than to inform people about my life, which they probably have no interest in. Too funny!
I got my reassurance that those two things are enough this afternoon. Today was an amazingly beautiful day! We're talking sunny, no clouds in sight, and 75 degrees. B-e-a-utiful! I went to Starbucks (shocker, I know) to celebrate the gorgeous weather and while I was standing there waiting for my drink, I had the urge to tweet about the great weather and the Starbucks about to be in my hand. Then, later when I was sitting on the front lawn doing homework, I wanted to tweet about the low hum of country music coming from the fraternity across the street and the sun streaming down on my skin. It was a strange feeling. I gave up Twitter as an alternative to Facebook because I need Facebook for school and my internship. I know I'm not as addicted to Twitter as I am to Facebook; I didn't event think I was addicted to Twitter. The desires that I felt this afternoon to tweet, answered my question from yesterday. My sacrifices are enough.
The best part is that every time I wanted to tweet today and I realized that I couldn't, an idea popped into my head: who cares? Who cares what I have to say or what I'm doing? It cracks me up that I became addicted to something that serves very little purpose other than to inform people about my life, which they probably have no interest in. Too funny!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
What gives?
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Christ's 40 days and nights in prayer and fast. Being a Catholic, I not only grew up participating in a lenten sacrifice (give up something from Ash Wednesday to Easter), but I also take it seriously. I like a challenge, so I usually give up something that I am fairly addicted to and have/use everyday. For the past 5-6 years, I have given up sweets. Not just chocolate, all sweets. It's tough considering I'm the girl that has an Dark Almond Dove chocolate after lunch and dinner every day. What can I say? I have a serious sweet tooth.
This year though, I feel a new sense of importance and calling during Lent. While I could give up sweets again, I feel that I am wimpping out. I feel like I have fallen into such a pattern of giving up sweets that I've lost the understanding and significance of Lent. So, if not sweets, what should I give up to show my belief and faith in Christ? To this answer, I keep coming up short. I don't have an answer. I've run coffee (might be impossible for a college kid) and Facebook (I use it for group projects for my classes) through my head and have decided that those are "impossible." But yet, is there anything that is impossible if I put my faith in Christ? There isn't. All things are possible through him. So why can't I give up these earthly things? It frustrates me to no end that I don't have the will to stop drinking coffee or to give up Facebook.
I have given up other things. Yes, "things" is plural. I felt like if I gave up multiple things that I still have/do every day that maybe it would amount to the sacrifice I would be making if I gave up Facebook or coffee. Yet, I feel like with a list of things that I can't do, I have to think through every action that I make. This isn't a bad thing, but if I have to think so hard about if I'm breaking a lenten sacrifice, have I again lost the true meaning of Lent? It's an internal struggle that I have been dealing with over the past few days. What do I give up to show my dedication to Jesus? He sacrificed his life for me, how do I reciprocate that? I know that I am human and that God made me in his image. I know that the reason that Jesus is the Son of God is because he could lay down his life for me and make the biggest sacrifice of all.
I'm making my little dilemma seem so important and life-changing, and it's not. It's just that I don't know how to praise the Man that made me who I am, that has my entire life planned, and that has my back every minute of every day. And to me, that's huge.
This year though, I feel a new sense of importance and calling during Lent. While I could give up sweets again, I feel that I am wimpping out. I feel like I have fallen into such a pattern of giving up sweets that I've lost the understanding and significance of Lent. So, if not sweets, what should I give up to show my belief and faith in Christ? To this answer, I keep coming up short. I don't have an answer. I've run coffee (might be impossible for a college kid) and Facebook (I use it for group projects for my classes) through my head and have decided that those are "impossible." But yet, is there anything that is impossible if I put my faith in Christ? There isn't. All things are possible through him. So why can't I give up these earthly things? It frustrates me to no end that I don't have the will to stop drinking coffee or to give up Facebook.
I have given up other things. Yes, "things" is plural. I felt like if I gave up multiple things that I still have/do every day that maybe it would amount to the sacrifice I would be making if I gave up Facebook or coffee. Yet, I feel like with a list of things that I can't do, I have to think through every action that I make. This isn't a bad thing, but if I have to think so hard about if I'm breaking a lenten sacrifice, have I again lost the true meaning of Lent? It's an internal struggle that I have been dealing with over the past few days. What do I give up to show my dedication to Jesus? He sacrificed his life for me, how do I reciprocate that? I know that I am human and that God made me in his image. I know that the reason that Jesus is the Son of God is because he could lay down his life for me and make the biggest sacrifice of all.
I'm making my little dilemma seem so important and life-changing, and it's not. It's just that I don't know how to praise the Man that made me who I am, that has my entire life planned, and that has my back every minute of every day. And to me, that's huge.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Just Passing Through
After four days of restless anticipation, I got the email about the job that I interviewed for. It was a no. I didn't get the position; I don't get to be a part of an awesome organization that gets to touch thousands of live. It stinks, I can't lie. It does. I keep repeating the numbers, though: from 288 applicants to 36 people asked back for a second interview to 15 people who actually got the job. I made it to that 36. Wow. The numbers make me feel good. Especially because I was asked back after a group interview with 6 other people. So, not only did I outshine those 6 people, but also 252 other people. Yes, those are good numbers. I'm choosing to keep repeating that stat.
As soon as I text my family about it, they all called me. My mom asked me if I cried--she knows me so well, or at least used to. I didn't cry when I read the email. It was tempting, but I chose to be bigger than this situation. It would be incredibly easy to let this drag me down, to let this consume my life. I'm not going to let it though. My friend shared a saying with me last week that keeps running through my mind.
I'm convinced that the only reason this would be a bad situation is if I allowed myself to perceive it as bad. I still plan on eating a huge bowl of ice cream to comfort myself, but this situation is not a bad thing. It's just the opposite though! I got a confidence boost for being asked back for a second interview; I experienced a one-on-one interview; I was able to meet and talk with some remarkable and inspiring people. To me, that is a success and a point in my life to celebrate. It's also exciting to think about what the Lord has planned for me in the future. I wanted this so much, that I know, if God didn't see fit for me to get the position, that he has some huge things coming my way in the future. Now, that is an overwhelming thought. God has my whole life planned. My whole life. Wow. When I remind myself to think like that, I know that this little hiccup is nothing to worry about. I'm going to encounter more obstacles in my life, but this isn't one that I need to worry about. God has my back.
As soon as I text my family about it, they all called me. My mom asked me if I cried--she knows me so well, or at least used to. I didn't cry when I read the email. It was tempting, but I chose to be bigger than this situation. It would be incredibly easy to let this drag me down, to let this consume my life. I'm not going to let it though. My friend shared a saying with me last week that keeps running through my mind.
"You're just passing through."
She explained to me that when a bad thing pops up in our lives that it won't last. Everything will eventually go away, which means that we are just passing through that point in our lives or that situation. Even good things will come to an end, so enjoy it while you have it so that you can continue on with your life once it is gone. I was given this amazing opportunity--top 36! woot woot!--but I'm not lingering at this point along my life journey. I'm now viewing this event as a huge learning experience. The second interview for this position was the first time that I was in a one-on-one interview. I learned from it and now I know what it's like.I'm convinced that the only reason this would be a bad situation is if I allowed myself to perceive it as bad. I still plan on eating a huge bowl of ice cream to comfort myself, but this situation is not a bad thing. It's just the opposite though! I got a confidence boost for being asked back for a second interview; I experienced a one-on-one interview; I was able to meet and talk with some remarkable and inspiring people. To me, that is a success and a point in my life to celebrate. It's also exciting to think about what the Lord has planned for me in the future. I wanted this so much, that I know, if God didn't see fit for me to get the position, that he has some huge things coming my way in the future. Now, that is an overwhelming thought. God has my whole life planned. My whole life. Wow. When I remind myself to think like that, I know that this little hiccup is nothing to worry about. I'm going to encounter more obstacles in my life, but this isn't one that I need to worry about. God has my back.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Worrywart
As I sat down in the waiting room for a HUGE interview, I starting rubbing my hands together, picking at my nails, and shifting my gaze. I took a few deep breaths, said a prayer, and, 30 minutes later, the interview was over. Walking out of the room, I felt good. I was confident in all of my answers, even though I stumbled a few times. Now that I have had time for the entire interview to sink in, I've started to worry again.
Why did I answer that question like that? I should have answered it like this. Why didn't I elaborate more on this topic? I should have mentioned that I'm good with time management. The list goes on and on. I keep reminding myself that I did the best I could; it's hard to think on your feet and relax enough in an interview to let your guard down. Still, I can't help but bring myself down. I'm beginning to take the stance that if I go ahead and accept that I did not receive the position, it will be less heart breaking when I don't get it. It goes against one of my biggest goals in life: be positive about every situation and learn from it. I know that I did what I could and that the rest is in God's hands. If I am meant to receive this position, I will. If not, then I either would not have been happy in the position or there is something else better down the road. I know this. I know this. I know... I... It is easy to say, but it's a hard pill to swallow.
I think that we--society and the people that make it up--get so bogged down with worrying. We worry about traffic, the weather, friends and family members, whether we'll make a good grade on an exam, or if we'll get that promotion at work. I feel as though we spend more time worrying about these things than we do actually living. It's a personal thing, for sure. How do we fix it though? How do we focus on things we can control, rather than the things we have no control over?
My answer: be yourself and let God take care of the rest. Whatever happens, He will not lead you astray. He always has your best intentions in mind.
So, while I want to sit here and dwell on my interview and what I didn't or should have said, I'm going to get ahead on homework and live my life. I'm going to focus on the things that are still in my control and be happy with whatever I am given. Well, I'm going to try...
Why did I answer that question like that? I should have answered it like this. Why didn't I elaborate more on this topic? I should have mentioned that I'm good with time management. The list goes on and on. I keep reminding myself that I did the best I could; it's hard to think on your feet and relax enough in an interview to let your guard down. Still, I can't help but bring myself down. I'm beginning to take the stance that if I go ahead and accept that I did not receive the position, it will be less heart breaking when I don't get it. It goes against one of my biggest goals in life: be positive about every situation and learn from it. I know that I did what I could and that the rest is in God's hands. If I am meant to receive this position, I will. If not, then I either would not have been happy in the position or there is something else better down the road. I know this. I know this. I know... I... It is easy to say, but it's a hard pill to swallow.
I think that we--society and the people that make it up--get so bogged down with worrying. We worry about traffic, the weather, friends and family members, whether we'll make a good grade on an exam, or if we'll get that promotion at work. I feel as though we spend more time worrying about these things than we do actually living. It's a personal thing, for sure. How do we fix it though? How do we focus on things we can control, rather than the things we have no control over?
My answer: be yourself and let God take care of the rest. Whatever happens, He will not lead you astray. He always has your best intentions in mind.
So, while I want to sit here and dwell on my interview and what I didn't or should have said, I'm going to get ahead on homework and live my life. I'm going to focus on the things that are still in my control and be happy with whatever I am given. Well, I'm going to try...
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Do ≠ Be
Today was a good day.
Correction: today was a great day!
I cannot lie and say that I haven't realized it, but I haven't been myself--whoever that "self" is--for a long time now. I started losing that weird/funny/crazy self that I loved when I first walked into my dorm room freshman year. From my last blog, it's clear that I've changed and while I am happy with the person that I have become, I've felt incomplete for the past couple of months. I've felt like the inside aspects of who I am have gotten stronger, but the outside facade has crumbled. I thought I was crazy and I probably sound crazy writing this, but here goes!
I had lunch with my wonderful friend, Ellie, today. She is so great! Anyways, I had asked her to eat with me as a kind of "pump up" for a big interview that I had today. An hour and a half later we had covered a huge amount of topics, but Ellie shared with me something that made me stop dead in my tracks
"What we do doesn't define who we are."
Now, she said this to the girl who defined herself as a swimmer, then as a student government nerd in high school. I defined who I was by what I was involved in. While I don't regret viewing my high school years like that, I finally understand why I haven't been happy these past few months. As soon as I lost my student government position and my swim team captain title, I didn't have anything to define myself. I've gotten involved in a lot in college and I love the organizations that I am a part of, but I didn't feel that same passion that I did for student government or swimming. I think that disconnection is part of growing up and realizing that these organizations don't define me. Which, thanks to Ellie, I can finally understand.
So with this huge realization today, I am left with the oh-so-simple question: Who am I? So simple, right? (That's sarcasm, people.) For now, I'm going to focus on baby steps to figure out the answer to this one. I just had to share my relief and comfort in the fact that I have finally begun to understand the high school to college changes... about time, right?
Correction: today was a great day!
I cannot lie and say that I haven't realized it, but I haven't been myself--whoever that "self" is--for a long time now. I started losing that weird/funny/crazy self that I loved when I first walked into my dorm room freshman year. From my last blog, it's clear that I've changed and while I am happy with the person that I have become, I've felt incomplete for the past couple of months. I've felt like the inside aspects of who I am have gotten stronger, but the outside facade has crumbled. I thought I was crazy and I probably sound crazy writing this, but here goes!
I had lunch with my wonderful friend, Ellie, today. She is so great! Anyways, I had asked her to eat with me as a kind of "pump up" for a big interview that I had today. An hour and a half later we had covered a huge amount of topics, but Ellie shared with me something that made me stop dead in my tracks
"What we do doesn't define who we are."
Now, she said this to the girl who defined herself as a swimmer, then as a student government nerd in high school. I defined who I was by what I was involved in. While I don't regret viewing my high school years like that, I finally understand why I haven't been happy these past few months. As soon as I lost my student government position and my swim team captain title, I didn't have anything to define myself. I've gotten involved in a lot in college and I love the organizations that I am a part of, but I didn't feel that same passion that I did for student government or swimming. I think that disconnection is part of growing up and realizing that these organizations don't define me. Which, thanks to Ellie, I can finally understand.
So with this huge realization today, I am left with the oh-so-simple question: Who am I? So simple, right? (That's sarcasm, people.) For now, I'm going to focus on baby steps to figure out the answer to this one. I just had to share my relief and comfort in the fact that I have finally begun to understand the high school to college changes... about time, right?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
From Past to Present
The screensaver on our family computer is a slideshow of pictures throughout the years. One of the pictures that popped up today was a still shot from a music video that I was in and helped produce in high school. If you know me at all you know then you know that I ended up digging out the DVD of the music video and watched it and other high school videos. Seeing the videos again, recognizing my old friends, and recalling the behind-the-scenes events made me reminisce about high school.
I've said it to a few people before, but I've never fully confronted an issue that has weighed heavy on my heart for a few years now. Throughout all of grade school -- we're talking K-12 here -- I had a solid group of friends. The friend groups altered here and there, but I am proud of the people that have surrounded me during my life. While I always had very close friends, I wasn't everyone's friend. Now, when I say that I went to a high school with 2,100 students, that fact seems reasonable. However, it wasn't the size of my school or the people in my classes that I blame for not being everyone's friend. Growing up, I was so focused on me, my family and my friends. While there is nothing wrong with that, I took it to the extreme. I shunned people who I didn't think were "cool" or that I thought were weird. As hard as it is to type, I have to be honest: I was not a nice person. You name it, I said it when I shouldn't have or didn't say it when I should have spoken up. I belittled others to make myself feel better and said horrible things to people who had only ever been nice to me.
The people that I have shared this with have given me shocked expressions and say that they doubt I was as mean as I say. Their expression and kind words warm my heart because it tells me that I have changed and grown. Every day I pray that I can carry out God's will and that I can glorify His name. I'm confident that, at least in small ways, I proclaim His word in my actions. Although I cannot undo the wrongs of the past, I feel that I can offset those wrongs by including others and choosing what is right over what is easy in the present and future. It's hard to look back on my high school years and recall all of the mean things that I did and I wish like crazy that I could apologize for things that I did. I'm not one to say that it's too late to do something, but, in this situation, I'm afraid that it is too late. However, I pray that by paying it forward each and every day that I can work off the debt that I owe myself and to all those that I hurt in the past. I want to be a better and always push myself to grow. If it seems childish, I'm sorry. I believe, though, that if you ever get to the point where you think you are done growing, you're in a bad place. So, I pray that we can all learn from the past, be better in the future, and love what we have today.
I've said it to a few people before, but I've never fully confronted an issue that has weighed heavy on my heart for a few years now. Throughout all of grade school -- we're talking K-12 here -- I had a solid group of friends. The friend groups altered here and there, but I am proud of the people that have surrounded me during my life. While I always had very close friends, I wasn't everyone's friend. Now, when I say that I went to a high school with 2,100 students, that fact seems reasonable. However, it wasn't the size of my school or the people in my classes that I blame for not being everyone's friend. Growing up, I was so focused on me, my family and my friends. While there is nothing wrong with that, I took it to the extreme. I shunned people who I didn't think were "cool" or that I thought were weird. As hard as it is to type, I have to be honest: I was not a nice person. You name it, I said it when I shouldn't have or didn't say it when I should have spoken up. I belittled others to make myself feel better and said horrible things to people who had only ever been nice to me.
The people that I have shared this with have given me shocked expressions and say that they doubt I was as mean as I say. Their expression and kind words warm my heart because it tells me that I have changed and grown. Every day I pray that I can carry out God's will and that I can glorify His name. I'm confident that, at least in small ways, I proclaim His word in my actions. Although I cannot undo the wrongs of the past, I feel that I can offset those wrongs by including others and choosing what is right over what is easy in the present and future. It's hard to look back on my high school years and recall all of the mean things that I did and I wish like crazy that I could apologize for things that I did. I'm not one to say that it's too late to do something, but, in this situation, I'm afraid that it is too late. However, I pray that by paying it forward each and every day that I can work off the debt that I owe myself and to all those that I hurt in the past. I want to be a better and always push myself to grow. If it seems childish, I'm sorry. I believe, though, that if you ever get to the point where you think you are done growing, you're in a bad place. So, I pray that we can all learn from the past, be better in the future, and love what we have today.
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