Rejection

Do you ever go through situations and you're left asking yourself if you have any true friends? Now there are moments when friends aren't at their best or they say something hurtful; I'm not talking about those once in a blue moon type of situations. I'm referring to the people who constantly leave you out of plans (even though they make the plans and invite other people right in front of you) and act like they did nothing wrong. I'm talking about the people who make you feel horrible about yourself and leave you just wanting to escape reality and leave them all behind. No matter how hard you try to keep up conversation or help them with things, encounters with these people leave you feeling empty and worthless.

I feel like I end up around these people a lot. I seem to always be forgotten. To be honest, it really stinks. Just writing down these thoughts brings the feeling back and I want to break down and cry, which I refuse to cry over people who don't deserve my tears.

I can't say that it is all their fault; I'm not perfect either, but I just wish they could see how hurtful they're being. I know, I sound like a 5 year old, but here's my point. Being left out or excluded really stinks, like a lot. No matter who you are or what you're being excluded from, it feels bad. So, if we know it hurts others so much, why do we constantly choose to leave others out thinking we'll be better off without them? I know that I would probably have a better time if some people were not around, however I physically cannot exclude them because I don't want them to suffer this horrible feeling of rejection. Yet, at the same time does that mean I have to suffer through something with a person I don't really care for?

I don't know what the answer or middle ground is. However, I can take a hint when people don't want me around. And I've just decided that I'm better off without them. I want to surround myself with people who love and care about me and who can make me a better person. I have to rely on The Lord to bring those people into my life and I have to keep my eyes open and my heart washed clean so that when these people do walk into my life I can welcome them with open arms.

Swollowing Your Pride

I'm a do-it-all type of person! I hate admitting that I can't do something or figure something out; if I don't understand, I ask for clarification so that I can have full understanding. My dad always said, "Never pay for something if you can do it yourself." He was referring to handy work around our house, but, for me, it translated to "Never ask someone else to do something that you can do, but are unwilling to do."

I have struggled with this. A lot.

It is extremely difficult for me to delegate work to others, especially when I have the ability to do it myself. What's even more difficult is when I work hard to do something, but, even after all the stress and planning, someone else's idea is better than mine. This last point is what I want to talk about.

I have been working all week to design a t-shirt for an organization that I am on the executive board for. I've been sharing my ideas with the two recruitment chairs of the organization because the shirts will be for recruitment purposes and I wanted their opinions of the designs. At one point, one of them asked for the design file so she could play around with the design.... Honestly, I had no problem with that! So I sent it to her, she tweaked it and, when she sent it back, both the other recruitment chair and myself liked it better than any other design I had made. I should be happy, right? We finally got a design! But, I wasn't happy. I was mad at myself for not being able to create the "winning" design. I had the ability to create it and I failed.

Now, we're not even using her design. The t-shirt company is creating a design for us, but my frustration over the design (not the girl who created it, because I love her! She's awesome!) still lingers. As I write this, I am able to see how hard I am being on myself. It's ok that I didn't "see" the design potential. The executive board acts as a team, with each member having a different expertise and I am happy in the end that we were able to pull together to create a design. I need to learn and realize that asking for help is just as hard accepting help for me.

 We are selfish and prideful beings. It's not the way God made us, necessarily, but it's part of being human. The Lord gave us the ability to hold relationships with people because He knew that we would need help in our earthly lives. Let us rejoice in this gift! May I learn to accept this gift every day and praise The Lord for surrounding me with such talented peopled!