Walking Under The Arch

Four years. Four years of school work, of late nights, of drama, of countless cups of coffee, of new friends, of philanthropy, of learning (both personal and academic), of life. All of this and so much more was running though my mind as I walked downtown after giving my final presentation of my college career this afternoon. As I approached The Arch, just like I had so many times before, part of me didn't want to walk under it. Walking through the pillars meant that college was really over... It's a little scary and daunting. It has been drilled into my mind to walk around The Arch for years, even before I began college. So, the fact that I was about to walk through it made me a little scared. Fists clenched and eyes closed, I finally walked under The Arch.

After that I was running figure eights through it! My group, whom I had just presented with in my final campaigns class, went and got a celebratory drink, but when I walked back by on the way to my car I was overcome with pride. It seems so trivial, walking under an arch, but for a UGA student and for me, it signifies so much of that dedication and determination over the four years when exhaustion never seemed to leave you. I still can't believe that I'm done, but what a ride it has been! All the work and late nights were worth it, just to walk under The Arch and graduate from The University of Georgia. I will forever bleed red & black! Go Dawgs!

Goodbye, Athens!

Today I moved out of my last college apartment.

There are so many mixed emotions with moving. Seeing all of my stuff, the things that are familiar and dear to me, shoved into the back of a car. It made me realize how much "stuff"I have, but also how insignificant possessions are in the grand scheme of things.
Then there are the friendships. I was blessed to have three very different, very supportive and very inspirational roommates this year. We were random roommates and it turned out to be one of the best, most eye-opening experiences of my college career.

Then there is the final drive through the town I called home for four years: Athens. I've done so much "growing up" in that town. I discovered organizations that fit my passions. I met new people and made wonderful new friends. I pushed myself to and beyond my limits in both my thoughts and actions. I celebrated the big 2-1 in Athens. I felt heartbreak and lose. Athens has been a journey, a struggle and a blessing to me. There were amazing times and there were times when I just wanted to runaway.

All in all, Athens has helped me to realize what I want in life. Any UGA grad you speak with will tell you about the glory days between the hedges, they'll tell you the crazy stories and they'll say without a doubt that Athens will always be their home. There is a passion that comes with Athens. Students, graduates, families, everyone loves Athens. I love Athens too. However, I am ready and excited to move on to bigger and better. Now just to figure out where the "bigger" and "better" is...

The alone feeling

Your roommate tells you that she wants to go out tonight, so you get ready while she's out to dinner with her boyfriend. When they get back and hang out for awhile, you're not surprised when you get a text from her saying that she doesn't feel like going out anymore. You scan your recent texts for someone, anyone who you could invite to go out. Scrolling. Scrolling. Nothing. They're either not in town or you're not close enough friends to call for a last minute night out. So instead you text your other roommate to vent. 

She's at a party and was a little overwhelmed about going because her ex was going to be there. After your vent, you ask how she's doing and ask if she needs some company--because at this point you just want to get out of your apartment to prove to your roommate that she's wrong and missing out by not going out. The party is overwhelming, so you go and pick up your roommate and drive downtown to grab a drink. 

Sitting at the high-top table, music blaring, nothing is off limits. Any baggage you were carrying is free game and so it comes out that your roommate feels like she has no friends and describes the exact recent text message scroll technique you did earlier. 

*Spoiler alert: this was my night and my roommates.*

Sitting there talking to my roommate and one of my best friends I realized that I'm not the only one who gets that alone feeling in the pit of my stomach. The gloom you get when you feel like you have no friends, no one close by to call on, no one to talk to.

It stinks and tears are almost a guarantee, but I've always felt that I was the only one who felt that way, who felt alone. But I realized tonight that my roommate, even standing in the middle of a crowded party, felt alone. I wish I could say that calling on God in these moments will make that feeling go away, but it's a very real feeling. Definitely call on and pray to God. He helps in more ways than you can ever imagine, but this loneliness feeling just sits there and grows. I don't know what the solution is. Maybe being more open with your friends or being honest about your feelings with your roommate when she ditches. But maybe it's just owning the fact that we all need to feel alone every once in awhile in order to feel loved and cherished our friends and family. Owning the feeling and praying about it... I'm going to try that combo next time.