The alone feeling

Your roommate tells you that she wants to go out tonight, so you get ready while she's out to dinner with her boyfriend. When they get back and hang out for awhile, you're not surprised when you get a text from her saying that she doesn't feel like going out anymore. You scan your recent texts for someone, anyone who you could invite to go out. Scrolling. Scrolling. Nothing. They're either not in town or you're not close enough friends to call for a last minute night out. So instead you text your other roommate to vent. 

She's at a party and was a little overwhelmed about going because her ex was going to be there. After your vent, you ask how she's doing and ask if she needs some company--because at this point you just want to get out of your apartment to prove to your roommate that she's wrong and missing out by not going out. The party is overwhelming, so you go and pick up your roommate and drive downtown to grab a drink. 

Sitting at the high-top table, music blaring, nothing is off limits. Any baggage you were carrying is free game and so it comes out that your roommate feels like she has no friends and describes the exact recent text message scroll technique you did earlier. 

*Spoiler alert: this was my night and my roommates.*

Sitting there talking to my roommate and one of my best friends I realized that I'm not the only one who gets that alone feeling in the pit of my stomach. The gloom you get when you feel like you have no friends, no one close by to call on, no one to talk to.

It stinks and tears are almost a guarantee, but I've always felt that I was the only one who felt that way, who felt alone. But I realized tonight that my roommate, even standing in the middle of a crowded party, felt alone. I wish I could say that calling on God in these moments will make that feeling go away, but it's a very real feeling. Definitely call on and pray to God. He helps in more ways than you can ever imagine, but this loneliness feeling just sits there and grows. I don't know what the solution is. Maybe being more open with your friends or being honest about your feelings with your roommate when she ditches. But maybe it's just owning the fact that we all need to feel alone every once in awhile in order to feel loved and cherished our friends and family. Owning the feeling and praying about it... I'm going to try that combo next time.