Insecurities

We all have one thing that we just wish that we could change: hips, nose, weight, athleticism, etc. Many of the things that we want to change about ourselves can be changed through diet, exercise, and so on. However, some things, such as self confidence, are harder to alter. I believe that the modern mentality has become that if you accomplish XYZ, then you will be a happy and confident person. Yet, the fact of the matter is that one positive thing does not always have a chain reaction in another area of life. I hate when this realization comes to me, because I am the type of person that, if I just keep going, perhaps something good will happen in all aspects of my life.
If you can't tell, I am fresh off of the couch from watching "Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss." The special was focus on plus size brides and the extra trials and tribulations that they go through. All but one of the women featured on the show claimed that they were extremely confident and proud of their curves; to them, I say congrats. The "but one" of the group simply said that the mirror was her reality and that she was terrified of getting stuck in a dress. I pray that I never have to experience that worry, but I found the honesty in her words so pure. For women of all sizes watching that, it was an inspirational moment. The brides telling the cameras about their men brought my mind back to a conversation that I had this morning.
I was at work and my assistant coach asked me in front of another coach if I had ever kissed a guy. Ding, ding, ding, we have insecurity #2 front and center. The fact that I haven't been kissed isn't what I am insecure about. I am more insecure with the fact that I haven't been in any long relationships. I know plenty of amazing guys, but I am too unsure of myself to take my foot out of my mouth. To say that it weighs heavily on me would be the understatement of the year. To make things even better, my assistant coach continued on to say that if I ever needed to talk to someone about "that" that her sister has only kissed her now fiance. I reassured that I was fine, but she gave me this "I feel sorry for you and I'm better then you look" that simply crushed me. It doesn't help that I was already a little frustrated with her. I don't want to talk about my assistant coach, because she is a good person and the purpose of the post wasn't to diminish her. The purpose of this post was to realize that my insecurities might not be the normal ones that we hear about.
I want a boyfriend; I want to be kissed; I want to blush when my guy looks at me. Right now, though, I am trying to live my life the best way that I know how and to be happy at each point in my life. I pray every day that I may lead a life that glorifies the Lord and that I can give over all of myself to Him for only He knows the right path for my life. I guess that I need to add my insecurities to the "Lord, take this off my plate" list. He will give me a person that betters me and that I can learn from when He knows that I am ready for it. That fact is hard to remember sometimes, but it is a fact.