When my grandmother passed away last month, my world changed. I went from rushing through life, to enjoying and savoring each moment. I went from praying when I needed something to constantly talking with God. I went from speaking without thinking to holding my tongue when I didn't have anything nice to say. It was easy to make these big life changes when I was at home. Temptation, jealously, stress drifted away as soon as I walked into my house. Yet, at school, these daily struggles seem to hang on my actions and thoughts as though they were a ball and chain around my ankles. They are constantly weighing on me, making it more challenging to hold my tongue and appreciate the moment.
Over the past several years, I've become a social media addict. Everything I do or think is posted on social media--yes, I am currently posting on a social media site, but bear with me. I posted photos, photoshopped many times, and statuses promoting or bragging about something. While I was posting these things, I thought that I was "connecting" with people, letting them see what was going on in my life. However, what I didn't realize is that, I was giving acquaintances and even dear friends and family too much information. I found that I had nothing to talk to my extended family members about because they saw everything I was doing via social media. I was at a lose too because I could see what was going on in their lives because of social media. For a person who values face-to-face communication (and loves to talk, for that matter), I was lost.
I decided to take a break. I haven't given it up 100%, but I'm more selective about what I am posting and revealing online. I went to a gymnastics meet last night, but only my roommates whom I went with and the few friends that I saw there, know. Normally, I would have tweeted about it or insisted on getting a few pictures with my roommates to post on Facebook. It seems like a minute thing, but it has had a profound impact on my life in just a few short weeks. I've realized that part of the reason I posted so many things on social media sites was to get more "likes" or "retweets" from others. Their acknowledgement of my posts or photos was a confidence booster. What I was doing, no matter what it was, was important or interesting or cool.
This step back from social media, has left me feeling unimportant and lonely in some ways. It sounds crazy, but to a world who is obsessed with instantaneous communication and information, it is a hard adjustment. Instead of waking up and checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (which is what I used to do), I grab my daily devotional and read the bible verse for the day. It's not easy; I have to consciously choose to not look at social media as much, but I kind of like the feeling of people not knowing what I am doing every moment of every day. There's finally truth to my "let's hang out and catch up" comments. It's a refreshingly basic change to my life, yet I have had more important self-discovery moments in the last few weeks than I had had in a long time. It's a challenge, a personal one, but I am loving every moment of it! So, if I don't respond to a text or post on social media, I'm sorry. I can honestly say it's not you, it's me.
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