Big Girl Pants

It never fails. When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, my mind starts racing. Sometimes it's happy thoughts, other times scary, etc. As I was falling asleep last night (or at least trying too), a new thought dawned upon me...
Over the past 3 weeks, I've been moving in, painting and arranging my new apartment and yesterday I finished painting the last piece of furniture. So what do I do now? The past few weeks have been so busy and my roommate and I have been trying to see how much we can get done each day. It's been a great bonding experience for her and me and we've accomplished a lot. Now, though, I have to start to lead a normal life--I'm sure you're laughing right now, but bare with me.
I've been extremely fortunate throughout my life. My parents have been well employed and have financially supported me. Now, although they are still paying in the end, I am getting the rent, electric and water bills. I am cooking all my own meals (I was meal plan the past 2 years) and I am cleaning a whole apartment, not just a tiny room shared with multiple roommates. It's been a new experience for me, an experience that I've longed for since I can remember. I've always wanted my own place to decorate and host parties. Now that it is my reality, I can't help but reminisce about all the years I spent cradling this dream/idea. Where did all those years go? Am I really old enough to live on my own?
It's a weird feeling. While all of this was in the back of my head last night, the thought that startled me the most and the thought that I want to focus on is that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. There is no more dorms, no more meal plans, no more authoritative figure watching my every move. From now on I will be in an apartment or a house, paying bills, cooking for myself and having to clean up after myself (no more "I cook, you clean" business from my parents). I have to strap on those big girl pants that have been sitting on the side lines of my life just waiting for the day when I was ready to wear them. I'm not sure if I'm ready, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. It's time to grow up. Now that it's "time" though, I don't want to take on more responsibility. I don't want to get a job or figure out my future. I want to spend my summers by the pool reading a book and my school years studying and hanging out with friends. I'm beginning to feel and see the weight (opportunities/future) of the world on my horizon. Honestly, I have to say it's quite daunting and I'd be happy to stay 20 forever. Well maybe 21 forever, for obvious reasons... although turning 21 is a scary thought too--that's so old!