"Leaver" vs. "Left"

My friends know that I am slightly addicted to Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and, while I am intrigued by their investigations and love the suspense of the show, I have become aware of how alone the "bad guys" are. I am not sticking up for people who commit crimes, but rather am advocating that you never do anything that would make you wind up in jail. In one episode, Detective Stabler is so caught up in a victim's traumatizing past that he decides to put himself in "the hole" for three days. The cameras follow his 72 hour experience and it is mentally agonizing to watch. This is a weird way to begin a post, but I have recently found myself feeling like Stabler in the hole: alone and unsure what to do.
Throughout my life, I have been unquestionably blessed with amazing friends. While some of those friendships have fizzled out and others have become more distant, I like to think of myself as a fairly good friend. I'm not perfect, no one is, but I do try extremely hard to always be a shoulder to cry on and a person to laugh at jokes. While I believe that no one should have any regrets and that regrets should be turned into lessons, I've made mistakes and I do regret some of them.
I regret having been the "leaver" in relationships. It's not that I necessarily was upset with a friend, but we were either not in the same class anymore or we were just growing apart. I have never felt like the person who was left in a friendship, until just recently. I have already written about my biffles from high school and how I felt as though I had lost them. I am determined though to reconcile and rebuild those relationships because, I have discovered, that I cannot live without the Fab Four. Now, it is a new set of friendships that has me confused. (If it's not one, it's the other. Right?)
The friends that I had in my dorm this first year of college I considered to be some of my dearest friends. Recently, however I don't even feel comfortable in my dorm (aka home for the time being). I just do not understand. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out if I did something or said something and, time and time again, I cannot think of anything. It's like I'm stuck in this shattered environment that I can only escape with time. That time, however, is ticking away at a snails pace. While I am not ready to move away from the best location on campus and I am not ready to leave my roomie, I am ready to leave the awkwardness and confusion that is surrounding me. All I can think of it that this is the ultimate lesson: I will never be the "leaver" in a relationship again. Now, seeing how the "left" feels, I could never purposely put someone through that kind of pain. I never want someone to experience how I feel now. Lesson learned.