Life is Messy

This was the topic of a visiting priests homily this past Sunday at church and the three simple words keep popping up in my head. "Life is messy." It's so true, yet sad at the same time. Our lives are so messy; they are cluttered with technology, sticky situations, friends who might tempt us and so on. Everyday we get up and go through our routine just to happen upon new situations that throw us of balance and shake our faith. Life is messy.

The priest went on to talk about the gospel reading which was Exodus 3, where God comes to Moses through the burning bush. Now Moses fled from Egypt when he killed an Egyptian who was whipping a Hebrew. He began a new life in Midian with a wife and children and became a shepherd  He seemed to have completely started a new life and was happy. That is when God came to Moses through the burning bush and told him to return to Egypt to free His people (the Israelites) from slavery. I can only imagine Moses' reaction, "You want me to do what?" Even with his lisp, God chose Moses to complete this act. God pushed Moses out of his comfort zone, quite literally, and made Moses rely on Him for comfort and protection.

This is an amazing example and reminder that we must rely on God in all that we do, not just in trying circumstances. God pushes us out of our comfort zone, where life can get even messier, so that we can lean on Him, rebuild our trust in Him and recognize His plan for our lives.

The priest went on to ask us about the messes in our own individual lives. What is going on right now that just seems too overwhelming? It's the situations that you want to run and hide from that make life messy. Well, each of us knows of a man that had an incredibly messy life: Jesus. Jesus was put to the test everywhere he went. He was tempted by the devil, betrayed by his friends, denied by one of his closest friends and hung upon a cross for a crime that he didn't commit. What is messier than that?

Through the resurrection, Jesus gave each one of us the ability to clean up our lives: through belief and faith in the Lord. This alone is how our lives can be managed; not through our own wants and desires, but through our complete submission to God's will. Once we do this, the messes that seemed to clutter our lives get packed up in nice, neat little boxes. They are still there inside those boxes, but we are better able to see and understand them with the help of God.

The Lord's Plan

Last night, heaven welcomed a new angel: Carter Haines. Carter went to my high school, but was a year younger than me. I didn't know him personally, but many of my friends were his friends and our parents are in the same social circle. He battled a brain tumor for many months, which is so hard to believe since Carter was always super athletic and seemed so healthy. He will definitely be missed by the community and everyone that knew him.

For me, this loss comes during a time where I have been exceedingly happy and excited for the next day, the next week, and the next month. There have been so many wonderful things happening in my life and I feel so blessed. When I hear about the death of a man that was younger than me and who still had so much life and love yet to experience, I feel selfish and guilty for being so happy. It doesn't seem right. How can I feel so blessed, when people are suffering so much? What did I do to deserve such happiness? I don't feel worthy. I've used the Lord's name in vain; I've lied; I've been selfish. Yet, I feel as though the Lord keeps ushering me towards amazing opportunities and giving me life-changing experiences. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for everything that I have been given, but at times like these it just doesn't seem fair.

I hate the explanation that you always hear to those questions, "This is just life. The Lord has a plan. We should be happy that he is no longer in pain. He has finished the race." But as I sit here trying to do homework and preparing for meetings tonight, I keep repeating these statements to myself. I find comfort in them. Although these explanations cannot even begin to quiet the loss of a loved one, I fully believe that they are true. The Lord does have a plan and we are able to find joy during such hard times because God wants us to be happy. He allows us feel pain and sadness not because he has forgotten about us, but because He wants us to return to and believe in Him. 

The sense of grief and loss is a reminder that we don't know when our time will come and that we must be thankful for every day. We must take the steps the Lord has laid out for us and be prepared for when He calls our name. Only when we do this, will we truly be living by His grace and in His presence.

Couldn't Wait For 21

Yesterday was my 21st birthday. Wait, what? I'm sorry, I'm in denial. Don't get me wrong, I'm beyond excited! I've been counting down to my 21st birthday for months. The fact that I have been counting down for so long and the fact that my birthday has already come and gone is baffling. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. So weird.

The night before my birthday, I had some friends over to celebrate. My roommate decorated our apartment, we made homemade queso and served some yummy drinks. The coolest part, though, were the people who filled my apartment and sang Happy Birthday to me at midnight. I couldn't help but smile when my best friend from high school did my make up, when my other good friend brought over cupcakes and when my friend drove in from Atlanta for less then 12 hours just to see me.

There were so many different friend groups there: high school, sorority, "band of friendzz" and the random, amazing people that I have gotten to know through date night set-ups, mutual friends and classes. All of these people came to celebrate with me--and get some queso, let's be honest. But no matter their reason for coming, I am so glad that each and every one of them did. It made me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have such fun and loving people to call my friends. I have no idea what I did to be so lucky, but I am extremely thankful. I count my blessings every day; God is so good!

Cheers!

Conformity

The pressures of the world surround us. Strength, anger, perfection, competition... The list could go on. And every day we are called to rise above those pressures and to call upon the Lord for guidance and comfort.

We all know people who unknowingly test us. They can just walk into the room and our nerves suddenly surge. Your contempt for them seems to radiant from your body and you barely mumble responses to simply avoid them at all costs. Do you know that feeling? I know this is a little dramatic, but when you are in the moment, you feel these emotions so vividly that they consume your whole being.

I was tested by one of these people today and I just about snapped. Everyone has their boiling point and I was about to let off some steam. Thankfully, that's when the Lord stepped in. He ushered her out of the room and left me alone with Him to pray. Just as quickly as my negative emotions blurred my thoughts, the Lord wrapped His arms around me. That is when I broke. Even with all of that anger inside of me, He still offers me a shoulder to cry on and an arm to steady myself when I get back up and dust off.

This isn't a long, thought provoking post. In fact, my point is simply that the Lord loves us. He forgives the things that we hate most about ourselves and wraps us in kindness and light. We are so incredibly blessed and we have to remember to never take Him for granted. We can also never be scared to come back to Him when we loose our footing on the path of life. He has our back and He'll forgive us of all our trespasses (thank goodness!). And that is as simple as it gets.

Blue Vestin' It

Good news, y'all! I'm a Gamma Chi!!! I get to run around and help the girls going through sorority recruitment in August. I will be in charge of a group of girls and I will try to help them navigate the first few days/weeks/months of college and Greek life. I'm beyond excited! During recruitment, the Gamma Chi's wear blue vest to designate who they are. The blue vests have turned into a competition: who can decorate their vest the best? Everyone usually pins buttons on the front, but the backs are all unique. My ideas immediately began to run wild. I could do my monogram, something UGA related, but then I'd want to buy a bedazzle gun, but that could get expensive... The ideas just kept coming and getting more and more outlandish as I kept thinking.

This is where I had to stop myself and ask, "what do I want to portray to others?" It was almost a "who am I?" moment. I have to find and choose buttons that represent my likes and interests and convey my personality to others. That's a lot for a little pin to say. I searched my house for old pins and found a really embarrassing soccer pin with my picture on it as well as a few skiing pins. I also went to a thrift store downtown and found some awesome band pins. What I've come to realize though is that the vest itself is convey a message, not just the pins.

I had to beat out over 200 girls for the opportunity to wear that vest. I'm going to stay up late and get up early, put out "fires," call girls when they don't get asked back to any houses and act as a friend and mentor to my group. My blue vest says that I'm dedicated and willing to help others. When I wear the vest, though, it's my actions and words that show who I really am. So, when I don that blue vest in a few months, I am going to show God's love through my words and actions. The Lord's word can convey who I am better than any pin. I am still going to show up on the first day of recruitment with a fully decorated vest, but it's reminder (although cheesy) that it's what is on the inside that really matters.

Waterworks

We've all played Monopoly. You either love it because you always win, or you hate it because the game lasts forever (and then you usually forfeit and lose because the game is taking so long). It's a love/hate game. I haven't played it in a few years, but I was reminded of it tonight in many ways.

Over the past few months (really weeks), I have been trying to sort out my living situation for next year. It has been an emotional roller coaster: I haven't been able to find a place and a group of people that I feel comfortable with. It's either the location or the parking, the bedroom size or the price. I just can't seem to nail down any contenders. Yesterday I went to see a friend's apartment and today I went to see another apartment whose tenants need another roommate. Neither place felt right. When I called my mom tonight, I lost it. We are talking Niagara Falls flowing out of my eyes. My body was quivering and I could barely get a word out.

When I hung up the phone and cried some more, I finally felt lighter. Yes, I was a mess: mascara streaks rolling down my cheeks, eyes red and puffy, and a full box of tissues emptied. Something in my sobs and "breakdown" gave me some relief to the stress and anxiety that I've been feeling for months about an apartment for next year. I was finally showing emotion. I had held in my uneasiness and stress and worries. I told my friends that I was "fine" and that I was "confident that my living situation would work out." I was a strong and confident person on the inside, while I crumbled to pieces on the inside. My emotions had to come out and it felt wonderful to release that burden.

So how does this all relate to Monopoly? Whenever I talk about crying, I refer to it as waterworks, like the utility property on the board game. The interesting thing about Waterworks on the game is that it is two spaces before Go To Jail. It's so close to ruining your game and sending you to jail, yet you still have a chance to roll the dice and continue on. Tonight, I felt like I landed on Waterworks (and I still have the red eyes to prove it): I was so close to letting my roommate search overwhelm me and send me into freak out mode (or jail, so to speak). Landing on Waterworks and getting some of my emotions out allowed me to empty my heart of some of the negativities of the past few months. It has allowed me to skip going to jail and will hopefully help me to stand up to the next obstacle in my path.

I'm still roommate-less for next year, but I count my emotional night as a blessing and I am ready to see what the Lord has in store for me (fingers crossed for Boardwalk or Park Place).

A "Simpler" Time

I have recently--as in last night and all this morning--become obsessed with the show Downton Abbey. The show takes place in the early 1900s, where the women still wear dresses every day and the wealthy have servants to handle everything for them. Upon hearing the first conversation on the show, I fell in love with the character's English accents and "simple" way of life. Each servant seemed happy to work for the family; the family seemed to have their lives all buttoned up; everything seemed so easy. The wealthy women didn't have to work or go to school and the men respected the women in an old-time, chivalrous way. Electricity had just been invented and they claimed the glare from the lights were too much to get used to. I was jealous, wishing I had lived in that time. It all seemed so much simpler: no computers, cell phones, or social media sites to keep up with.

As I continued to watch though, I realized that the servants' and the family's lives were anything but simple. The servants don't have a say in everything they do and the family had 3 daughters with no close male cousins, since in that time women couldn't inherit their father's estate. Each character, both servant and wealthy, has some sort of inner qualm. They are happy on the outside, but fighting their own battles on the inside. They are striving for a wonderful, but seem to fall short. It's made me realize that no matter the technological advances, people haven't changed. We have and will all go through our own trials and tribulations at times and finding the strength to move on is never going to be easy. Actually standing up and walking again after you've fallen, though, is the key to the advances that we have in this modern age.

Life is never going to be a walk in the park. Issues, stressful times, and uncertainty will always be thrown at us. Yet, choosing to live a happy life, a life of hope and faith, will help to get us through the difficult times. Remembering that all sin is equal in the eyes of the Lord and that no one's problems are greater that your own is not only humbling, but will help to open your eyes and heart to the needs of others. It will allow you to serve and love others as Christ did. It will make you happier and healthier, and who doesn't want that?