The Lord's Plan

Last night, heaven welcomed a new angel: Carter Haines. Carter went to my high school, but was a year younger than me. I didn't know him personally, but many of my friends were his friends and our parents are in the same social circle. He battled a brain tumor for many months, which is so hard to believe since Carter was always super athletic and seemed so healthy. He will definitely be missed by the community and everyone that knew him.

For me, this loss comes during a time where I have been exceedingly happy and excited for the next day, the next week, and the next month. There have been so many wonderful things happening in my life and I feel so blessed. When I hear about the death of a man that was younger than me and who still had so much life and love yet to experience, I feel selfish and guilty for being so happy. It doesn't seem right. How can I feel so blessed, when people are suffering so much? What did I do to deserve such happiness? I don't feel worthy. I've used the Lord's name in vain; I've lied; I've been selfish. Yet, I feel as though the Lord keeps ushering me towards amazing opportunities and giving me life-changing experiences. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for everything that I have been given, but at times like these it just doesn't seem fair.

I hate the explanation that you always hear to those questions, "This is just life. The Lord has a plan. We should be happy that he is no longer in pain. He has finished the race." But as I sit here trying to do homework and preparing for meetings tonight, I keep repeating these statements to myself. I find comfort in them. Although these explanations cannot even begin to quiet the loss of a loved one, I fully believe that they are true. The Lord does have a plan and we are able to find joy during such hard times because God wants us to be happy. He allows us feel pain and sadness not because he has forgotten about us, but because He wants us to return to and believe in Him. 

The sense of grief and loss is a reminder that we don't know when our time will come and that we must be thankful for every day. We must take the steps the Lord has laid out for us and be prepared for when He calls our name. Only when we do this, will we truly be living by His grace and in His presence.