Waterworks

We've all played Monopoly. You either love it because you always win, or you hate it because the game lasts forever (and then you usually forfeit and lose because the game is taking so long). It's a love/hate game. I haven't played it in a few years, but I was reminded of it tonight in many ways.

Over the past few months (really weeks), I have been trying to sort out my living situation for next year. It has been an emotional roller coaster: I haven't been able to find a place and a group of people that I feel comfortable with. It's either the location or the parking, the bedroom size or the price. I just can't seem to nail down any contenders. Yesterday I went to see a friend's apartment and today I went to see another apartment whose tenants need another roommate. Neither place felt right. When I called my mom tonight, I lost it. We are talking Niagara Falls flowing out of my eyes. My body was quivering and I could barely get a word out.

When I hung up the phone and cried some more, I finally felt lighter. Yes, I was a mess: mascara streaks rolling down my cheeks, eyes red and puffy, and a full box of tissues emptied. Something in my sobs and "breakdown" gave me some relief to the stress and anxiety that I've been feeling for months about an apartment for next year. I was finally showing emotion. I had held in my uneasiness and stress and worries. I told my friends that I was "fine" and that I was "confident that my living situation would work out." I was a strong and confident person on the inside, while I crumbled to pieces on the inside. My emotions had to come out and it felt wonderful to release that burden.

So how does this all relate to Monopoly? Whenever I talk about crying, I refer to it as waterworks, like the utility property on the board game. The interesting thing about Waterworks on the game is that it is two spaces before Go To Jail. It's so close to ruining your game and sending you to jail, yet you still have a chance to roll the dice and continue on. Tonight, I felt like I landed on Waterworks (and I still have the red eyes to prove it): I was so close to letting my roommate search overwhelm me and send me into freak out mode (or jail, so to speak). Landing on Waterworks and getting some of my emotions out allowed me to empty my heart of some of the negativities of the past few months. It has allowed me to skip going to jail and will hopefully help me to stand up to the next obstacle in my path.

I'm still roommate-less for next year, but I count my emotional night as a blessing and I am ready to see what the Lord has in store for me (fingers crossed for Boardwalk or Park Place).