Why being single has been a blessing

I'm 22. In college years, that's old. It's time for me to move on and start my big girl life. Yet, I'm left dwelling on the past. For the majority of the past four years, my college years, I've been single. I've gone on dates, "talked" with a guy (the definition of which I'm still hazy on), and dated, but I have not had a serious relationship in college. Some jaws might drop at the idea of not having a serious boyfriend during this time, but I see it as one of the biggest blessings I've experienced to date.  

In the past four years, I've joined organizations, studied, experimented with style, learned the meaning of faith, made new friends, said goodbye to old relationships, built a photography business and held three internships. I've been busy, but I've also found myself. I finally know who I am right now in this moment. Before these years of self-discovery, I was a mirror. I watched, picked up on traits and sayings that were "cool" and reflected back these traits. I was being molded by the things that I thought were valued, the things that I thought people wanted to see. In actuality, I was becoming a junk pile of different people, hiding myself with other people's individuality. I was a sinking ship, heading nowhere fast. It was a slippery slope and I didn't even recognize it. 

I've learned. I've learned from heartbreak and adventure. I've learned from my leadership positions and my friends. The connection string through all of this is that I wasn't tied down to one person or thing. I was free to explore and discover. 

It's been a journey, starting with feeling alone. There came a point when I felt like I had no friends, no real friends at least. I was changing my personality and energy based on the people I was with, not based on how I felt. I was literally a twin of whoever I was with--I can't even imagine how annoying that must have been! I wanted people to like me and know me, but I wanted it for the wrong reasons. The real problem was that I didn't even know myself. I joined the clubs that I felt obligated to join instead of the ones that I was truly passionate about. 

Four years, especially the last two, I have been in a constant state of self-discovery. Now though, I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin. There are still moments where I want to bite my tounge or hide from embarrassment, but I am better equipped to handle these situations. While I value the guys that I've met and dated over the past few years, I know that I would still be searching for my true self if I have been in a serious relationship. I wouldn't have been on my own or been able to feel alone, which is where I finally began to uncover who I was and who I wanted to be. Do I sometimes wish that I had had a boyfriend and didn't have to ask around for a date for a sorority date night? Of course! It would have been so much easier, but I never would have figured out what I'm comfortable with or felt my heart beat a hundred miles an hour every time  I asked a guy on my sorority date night. It was moments like those that I found a new piece of myself. I cherish each piece of this crazy life puzzle. As an old 22 year old, I am finally ready to move forward, finally ready (and excited) to just be me.