My life isn't interesting enough for social media

Have you ever noticed that when you scroll down your Facebook News Feed post after post is about accepting a job offer, how wonderful a boyfriend or girlfriend is or showing off a new outfit in an edited photo? What about how Twitter has seemed to become a complaint outlet? Have you ever compared the number of likes on your Instagram photo to those of a friend, who seems to have the perfect lighting, background and smile in each and every post? We've all done it. We've sugarcoated our lives and our experiences so that we seem interesting to our "friends". You post a photo of a beautiful mountain top view with a bible verse or #blessing and say what a beautiful day it was when, in actuality, you sweated your butt off, skinned your knee and didn't even want to go on the hike in the first place. You get notification after notification of people liking your photo and you feel like you accomplished something that day. Sound at all familiar?

Have you ever sat down with a friend to catch up, but they interrupt you moments after you begin talking with "Oh, I think I saw that on Facebook!"After that comment, you're at a lose for words. They already know, because you share your experiences on social media. Here's my question: What's the point of face-to-face communication or having relationships if we have no personal life anymore? My generation, those younger than me and even some older folks have lost the idea of personal information. Everything is a post or tagline or hashtag now.

Are you thinking, "Oh, the PR major is telling me that I shouldn't post everything on social media? Hello, she just posted a day-by-day summary of her Italy trip, but I shouldn't post what I had for dinner? Yeah, ok." Was I close? Yes, I like to post on social media. I've grown up in it, it will most likely be a large part of my job, and I love to take and share photographs on social media. Here's the thing though, I'm not all that interesting. Today, I sat and watched five or six episodes of Scandal, ate way too much junk food and surfed the net. Fascinating stuff, right? The old me probably would have posted about how addicting the show is or some Olivia Pope quote. I know that I have a lot of Scandal loving friends, so I'm confident that it would have gotten a decent amount of likes and a handful of comments. I would log onto Facebook and see a little red notification flag in the corner. I'd be lying if I said that seeing that red flag wasn't a confidence booster. It is. It makes me (and I'm sure you as well) feel like people care about me and I you have to say. Instead of posting anything though, the new me was content to have my television marathon Monday and go to the gym. I was good. There was no reason to post.

While I was in Italy, I had a break from the constant buzzing and beeping of my phone. Although I posted a daily synopsis of what we had done (mainly so that I could remember and my parents could know that all was well), I loved that Italians aren't glued to their phones. They don't walk and text, walk and talk, talk and text, listen and text or any other type of phone multitasking. It was refreshing. They had something to talk about--and Italians love to talk and visit. For me, that is what is important in life: relationships and communication. I want to actually have a story to tell my friends when I see them, a story that they have not already heard about via social media. I want to sit down with my friends and be present, which means my phone remains in my purse and not on the table. I want the person I'm speaking with to look me in the eye so that I know they're listening; I don't have to take their word for it because their looking at their phone while I'm talking. I'm guilty of all of these things, but I'm done. I'm done with sugarcoating my life just to see a red notification flag when I log into Facebook. I'm done multitasking with my phone. I'm done telling my friends "happy birthday" on Facebook--if they are truly my friend, they deserve a phone call on their birthday. I want to restore the meaning of personal communication... so don't be surprised if I call you, or give me a call; we can catch up!

New Perspectives

I hit the snooze once. Twice. My eyes heavy, I open them long enough to reset my alarm to 10am. I'd go to church later. The light was pouring into my room even though my window is covered with black-out curtains. Why was it so bright? I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head. Even 30 more minutes of sleep will help me get through the day. I deserve the extra sleep, but there's the sunlight again. I heard it quietly at first, but it grew more nagging: the voice in my head reading my long to-do list for the day. "Ok," I relented. "I'll get up." I rush to throw myself together. Bag packed with school work, coupons for grocery shopping crinkled in my purse, and make-up in hand--I'll have to just do it in the car--and I was out the door. I pulled into the church parking lot, put on my mascara and hopped out of the car only to be greeted by one of dear friends, Anna, walking up to church as well. We go in together and I follow her to her normal seat.

Sitting on the other side of the chapel, I look around. I knew that it looked like this, but yet it's different. It's simple, rustic, warm. I grab a missile as the lector walks to the alter. She begins reading. My heart instantly urns for The Lord and my ears tune to the Word. I hear,

"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry

to bring the homeless and poor into your house;

When you see the naked, to cover him;

and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will spring up quickly.

Your righteousness shall go before you;

the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;

You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'

If you remove the yoke from your midst,

the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,

And if you pour yourself out for the hungry

and satisfy the afflicted,

Then your light will rise in the darkness

And your gloom will become like noonday."
(Isaish 58:7-10)

Deep breath. I reread the passage once. Twice. Three times. His Words jump into my soul and shine like the sun pouring into my bedroom this morning: bright and warm, hopeful and abundant. Father stands to read the gospel; my ears tune in again. 

"YOU are the SALT of the earth. 

If salt looses its taste, how shall it be seasoned?"

"You are the light of the world...

Let your light shine before others,

so that they may see your good works

and give glory to your Father in heaven."

(Matthew 5:13-16)

Another deep breath as the warmth washes over me again. Father says a few words, but relinquishes the microphone to two visitors from the Franciscan Volunteer Ministry. The volunteers begin explaining about the program. For one year, volunteers live among the poor and minister to them. They are assigned to a ministry, a soup kitchen, a parish and pour themselves into the people in the community through stewardship and prayer. Listening to these two early twenty-somethings, I was moved, yet again. The humble service to the poor and the identification of the poor not as a group, but as individuals. I was in awe. One year. That isn't so long, and what an amazing way for your light to shine forth and give glory to The Lord. I turn to Anna and whisper, "Wow, I wish I had the strength to do that." She looks at me and says, "You could totally do that!" I believe her; I really could. Then a powerful, scary, awe-inspiring thought: did God just open my heart and ears through the scripture to receive His message of service?

I've been thinking about the business world for months, if not years. To be a businesswoman in downtown Atlanta, that was my next step, my dream, wasn't it? Isn't it? Father made the first reading and the gospel tie together so well, yet I now see them as preaching two different worlds. Isaish is telling me to out and to be with the poor. Matthew is telling me to use my talents to minister to those too busy and consumed by "stuff"to realize The Lord's presence. Another deep breath. Just when I thought I had my life figured out, The Lord knocks, laughing that I had made plans without Him. He never ceases to amaze me and call me to question my actions and thoughts. It's big ideas like this that make me miss my grandmother so much. She would know what to say and how to go about uncovering the meaning behind these competing thoughts. That's a topic for another time, though. Prayer. That is what she would say. Prayer is the next step--and all this homework that I have to do. 

Life's Quarters

My roommate and I had a long conversation last night about life in general as well as who we are in the most basic sense. I shared with her my current focus and struggles to always be myself. It is so easy to play up or play down parts of your personality when you are with certain people. We are all guilty of it. We all have a friend who is "crazy" and when we are with that friend, we tend to let loose a little more or be a little louder then we normally would be. Then we have a friend who is introspective and, when we are around him/her, we are quieter and more pensive. We feed off of other people's energy; it's not a bad thing, it's just part of being human.

Although I have not been able to completely stop this (it's truly quite hard), I have been more conscious of remaining true to myself at all times. Over the holidays I had quite time that I was able to dedicate to myself, to dig deep, and to uncover who I was at this point in my life. With my grandmother's passing, it was impossible to not reflect on my life to this point and the direction that my life is headed. There are some aspects that I am extremely proud of, such as my work with nonprofits and my internships. There are some parts that I need to spend more time on, like friendships and my faith. Then there are some that I need to move past, namely self-consciousness and doubt, even some friendships--I'm going to throw cussing in here as well, because it's so easy to do, yet I truly dislike foul language.

I believe that The Lord brings people into our live when we need them the most. Perhaps we need them for support during a hardship or they are supposed to teach us a lesson or we are supposed to teach them a lesson. No matter the reason, life and relationships are a journey. Some people are only brought into our lives to provide us with warmth and nourishment (for the soul) as we pass through a checkpoint. If we were to hold on to every relationship no matter how good or bad, we would have too much baggage; we wouldn't be able to continue on our journey. Then there are some people who God places in our lives to stay. I like to think of them as a pace car. They're there to encourage us and push us to keep going no matter how many times we fall. We don't have too many of these pace car friends in our lives. Think about it, not everyone can fit into one car and no one really needs more then one pace car, so we pick and choose the relationships that we focus on and improve.

I love the saying, "I'd rather have four quarters than 100 pennies." Like 100 pennies,  having too many "best friends" will weigh you down. I have six friends, six quarters, that I count as my most cherished relationships. I could go to them with anything; I know that they will be there for me and vise versa. Throughout grade school and with the rise of social media, it's come to be that having more friends makes you cooler or more liked. However, I have realized that having too many close friends wears me down more then it builds me up. I'm a "more the merrier" type of person, but, when it comes to my relationships, I am selfishly selective. I don't want just anyone to be in my closest circle of friends, I want people who will help me to be better. I will never turn my back on someone that needs me, God has brought people into my life so that I can help them as well.

My point is that not everyone needs to know me at my most basic level. It's ok to pick and choose who you tell the important stuff to. Life isn't one big status (I'm still mulling over the whole social media thing), it is a series of defining moments that cannot be summed up in one or two sentences and can't even be put into words. It's the people who know you best, your quarters, that matter. For your quarters feel your pains and joys with you, they don't need a disclaimer to figure you out.

Social Media: A Game Changer

When my grandmother passed away last month, my world changed. I went from rushing through life, to enjoying and savoring each moment. I went from praying when I needed something to constantly talking with God. I went from speaking without thinking to holding my tongue when I didn't have anything nice to say. It was easy to make these big life changes when I was at home. Temptation, jealously, stress drifted away as soon as I walked into my house. Yet, at school, these daily struggles seem to hang on my actions and thoughts as though they were a ball and chain around my ankles. They are constantly weighing on me, making it more challenging to hold my tongue and appreciate the moment.

Over the past several years, I've become a social media addict. Everything I do or think is posted on social media--yes, I am currently posting on a social media site, but bear with me. I posted photos, photoshopped many times, and statuses promoting or bragging about something. While I was posting these things, I thought that I was "connecting" with people, letting them see what was going on in my life. However, what I didn't realize is that, I was giving acquaintances and even dear friends and family too much information. I found that I had nothing to talk to my extended family members about because they saw everything I was doing via social media. I was at a lose too because I could see what was going on in their lives because of social media. For a person who values face-to-face communication (and loves to talk, for that matter), I was lost.

I decided to take a break. I haven't given it up 100%, but I'm more selective about what I am posting and revealing online. I went to a gymnastics meet last night, but only my roommates whom I went with and the few friends that I saw there, know. Normally, I would have tweeted about it or insisted on getting a few pictures with my roommates to post on Facebook. It seems like a minute thing, but it has had a profound impact on my life in just a few short weeks. I've realized that part of the reason I posted so many things on social media sites was to get more "likes" or "retweets" from others. Their acknowledgement of my posts or photos was a confidence booster. What I was doing, no matter what it was, was important or interesting or cool.

This step back from social media, has left me feeling unimportant and lonely in some ways. It sounds crazy, but to a world who is obsessed with instantaneous communication and information, it is a hard adjustment. Instead of waking up and checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (which is what I used to do), I grab my daily devotional and read the bible verse for the day. It's not easy; I have to consciously choose to not look at social media as much, but I kind of like the feeling of people not knowing what I am doing every moment of every day. There's finally truth to my "let's hang out and catch up" comments. It's a refreshingly basic change to my life, yet I have had more important self-discovery moments in the last few weeks than I had had in a long time. It's a challenge, a personal one, but I am loving every moment of it! So, if I don't respond to a text or post on social media, I'm sorry. I can honestly say it's not you, it's me.

You Say Goodbye & I Say Hello

Over the past few weeks I've really looked internally at who I am and what I am doing with my time on this earth. I would be lying if I said that Gram's passing has nothing to do with this personal and internal evaluation; it has everything to do with Gram. Initially, I felt lost after she passed. What was I supposed to do without her? She answered my big life questions, she was my go-to and one of my greatest role models. It is only now, three weeks later and back at school that I realize that all of Gram's talks and lessons were setting me up for this moment when I wouldn't have her to bounce an idea off of. She was teaching me what I needed to know to stand on my own two feet.

Now, looking at my life, I see holes and gaps. The locations of these holes in my life are areas where I want the road to be smooth. So, I'm putting up signs and starting the long, hot process of repaving and reestablishing my priorities in life. I am tired of the constant negativity that seemed to be weighing down my life. I don't want it.

Goodbye negativity. Hello optimism.
Goodbye judgement. Hello acceptance.
Goodbye pity. Hello prayer.
Goodbye inferiority. Hello confidence.
Goodbye complaints. Hello motivation.
Goodbye awkward. Hello pride.
Goodbye uneasiness. Hello Lord.

I am saying hello to a better, more Christ-centered, confident, happy person and I have my grandmother to thank for all of the lessons that she taught me over these 21 years. Much love.