Rediscovery

     I will be the first to admit that my faith has faltered over the past few months. I felt so close to the Lord at the end of last year and over the summer, but now, as I fill out applications for jobs where I would serve and help others, I feel lost. I reach for God's word and feel distracted and disconnected. Yet, even with this feeling of detachment, I still believe with my whole heart that the Lord has a plan for my life and he is watching over me. We all go through these times of unrest and confusion; we feel more distant from the Lord, but somehow we always find a way back.
     For me, I am strengthening my relationship with the Lord by rereading A Voice In The Wind. Call me crazy that a book can help me rediscover my immense faith, but I truly believe that it can. The book is set about 40 years after Christ died and rose from the dead, so Christianity is still very much in its infancy. Hadassah, the main character, watches as her family dies, suffers as she is enslaved, and serves diligently to Romans who believe in stone gods. She prays for the people that threw her into slavery and truly believes that she was put in the lives of these Romans to serve them and bring Christ to their lives. In the book, she just visited the Apostle John, who walked with Christ and knew him as he was in the flesh. She asked John who she could make her masters understand and come to Christ. John said that even with Jesus standing right in from of him, he still didn't understand who he was or what he said. He struggled in grasping the mightiness and unfaltering love that Jesus extended to him.
     I know that it is just a book, but these passages give me understanding and conviction in the Lord's presence in my life. We all, even John, stumble, fall, and don't understand the plans that God has for us.  When I think of my life thus far, I am humbled. I have had a life of abundant blessings and I am so thankful for the Lord walking with me even when I don't realize He's holding my hand. I am in the process of completing applications for many positions that call me to nurture and serve my university. I feel such a strong pull to these positions that it is almost unnatural. I took me until this morning to realize that my desire to help others isn't to satisfy my own needs, but to serve the Lord by serving others. God wants to touch these people and I have the opportunity to be that link. It's a humbling feeling. I don't know how I became so blessed, but I won't let these opportunities pass. I am so excited to serve others to thus serve God. I will forever be amazed by His plans for my life. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me." (John 14:1)