Following Dreams

I am an advocate for following your dreams. If you can dream it up, you can achieve it. However, I am truly an advocate for others following their dreams; when it comes to my own dreams, I seem to run from them. I am not talking about the little dreams, like interviewing for an organization or being a part of something bigger than myself. I am talking about the big, life long dreams, particularly career aspirations.
Throughout my childhood, I was blessed to have a father that worked from home as an appraiser. When my dad needed to go look at a house, I went along with him. Home after home, I fell more and more in love with interior design. Every color, fabric, and fixture held more meaning as time went on. It got to the point where I made a design board for the redecoration of my room in middle school. I searched for the right colors, rug, and bed spread, and then I presented it to my parents as though they were my clients. Who does that?
It sounds cheesy to be in love with design, but I can't help myself. I wanted to be an interior design from the moment I knew what a job was until the summer before my senior year in high school. That summer I got very into cooking and baking. My love for design seemed to carry over into the kitchen, but for the first time that I can remember, I wanted to be something other than an interior designer. Over the past two years, I have changed from nutritionist to book editor to public relations. With the large amount of options and opportunities that I have been given, my mind continues to go back to interior design. I'm not sure what is holding me back: the instability, the lower income, or the small market of the job. The reasons to not be an interior designer are all there, but the reason to be an interior designer is hidden and it has begun to frustrate me. For the first time I have begun to pray that the Lord bless my future occupation. I know that he will lead me down the right road with the right people, but the "what if" of my job still lingers. So, for now, I will still encourage others to follow their dreams, while I sit and work on mine.

Gaining an Angel

I haven't written for a few weeks, because I hadn't found anything that compelled me to want to write. I've found it though. Today was one of those gorgeous summer days: sunny, a few clouds to give the sky depth, a light breeze. I was driving to a doctor's appointment with the windows rolled down belting out a few country tunes when a song came on that I wasn't familiar with. I regret not paying more attention and catching the name of the song, but I know the line in the song that made me want to write. It was a man singing and said something along the lines of "I cried when mama died, but I have to remember that I gained an angel. She's watching over me." This line struck a cord in my heart.
One of the greatest gifts that the Lord has given me is the time that I was able to spend with Faith Cline. I met Faith through my work in Relay for Life, come to find out that she went to my school. Faith was diagnosed with a brain tumor in her freshman year of high school and was told that she had only months to live. Three years later, after graduating early in a special ceremony from high school, Faith passed away. Faith inspired me. She inspired me to be a better person, to keep an open mind, to have patience, to think before I speak, and to always smile. Besides her wheelchair and occasional medical supplies, you would never know that Faith was sick. She never complained or spoke negatively about her treatment. She is my reminder that when I want to complain, I must remember that I only have blessing in my life. I will never forget her.
You would never guess by the way that I described Faith that I spoke to her only 3 or 4 times. Her actions and beautiful presence have changed my life forever.  My friend, who was much closer to Faith, recently text me about her. She was upset and, although she has faith in God, claimed that God took the wrong person. I responded with "We have an angel watching over us. We are so blessed." We don't know the future and we don't always understand why some things happen, but we must remember that God has a plan. Life is not easy, but we must keep in mind Faith's favorite verse, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." ~ Phillipians 4:13&19

Insecurities

We all have one thing that we just wish that we could change: hips, nose, weight, athleticism, etc. Many of the things that we want to change about ourselves can be changed through diet, exercise, and so on. However, some things, such as self confidence, are harder to alter. I believe that the modern mentality has become that if you accomplish XYZ, then you will be a happy and confident person. Yet, the fact of the matter is that one positive thing does not always have a chain reaction in another area of life. I hate when this realization comes to me, because I am the type of person that, if I just keep going, perhaps something good will happen in all aspects of my life.
If you can't tell, I am fresh off of the couch from watching "Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss." The special was focus on plus size brides and the extra trials and tribulations that they go through. All but one of the women featured on the show claimed that they were extremely confident and proud of their curves; to them, I say congrats. The "but one" of the group simply said that the mirror was her reality and that she was terrified of getting stuck in a dress. I pray that I never have to experience that worry, but I found the honesty in her words so pure. For women of all sizes watching that, it was an inspirational moment. The brides telling the cameras about their men brought my mind back to a conversation that I had this morning.
I was at work and my assistant coach asked me in front of another coach if I had ever kissed a guy. Ding, ding, ding, we have insecurity #2 front and center. The fact that I haven't been kissed isn't what I am insecure about. I am more insecure with the fact that I haven't been in any long relationships. I know plenty of amazing guys, but I am too unsure of myself to take my foot out of my mouth. To say that it weighs heavily on me would be the understatement of the year. To make things even better, my assistant coach continued on to say that if I ever needed to talk to someone about "that" that her sister has only kissed her now fiance. I reassured that I was fine, but she gave me this "I feel sorry for you and I'm better then you look" that simply crushed me. It doesn't help that I was already a little frustrated with her. I don't want to talk about my assistant coach, because she is a good person and the purpose of the post wasn't to diminish her. The purpose of this post was to realize that my insecurities might not be the normal ones that we hear about.
I want a boyfriend; I want to be kissed; I want to blush when my guy looks at me. Right now, though, I am trying to live my life the best way that I know how and to be happy at each point in my life. I pray every day that I may lead a life that glorifies the Lord and that I can give over all of myself to Him for only He knows the right path for my life. I guess that I need to add my insecurities to the "Lord, take this off my plate" list. He will give me a person that betters me and that I can learn from when He knows that I am ready for it. That fact is hard to remember sometimes, but it is a fact.

Two Left Feet

I love to try new things: food, restaurants, places, etc. I also love to dance. However, put "new" and "dance" together and my body goes into crazy mode. My friends and I were hanging out tonight and we were swing dancing and learning new moves. Correction, I was simply learning how to trust myself. I don't know if I was hesitant to jump and swing because I have no hand/eye coordination or if I was scared to have someone else supporting all of my weight. Either way, tonight was a mess. I have always watched all of the TV dancing competitions and wished that someday I would have the opportunity to learn the steps and flips. Tonight was that chance, and I didn't seize it. For a person who grasps every moment by the horns, letting an opportunity slip by is extremely frustrating.
I need to learn how to let go, how to put my worries and fears in the coat check while I have a good time inside. I need to learn how to trust the Lord with all my heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul so that he can lead me on the dance floor. He is leading my life and I am sitting here trying to control it and make it perfect. I know that, while it might not be perfect, the Lord will lead me to and through whatever situations lay ahead of me. I need to let go and let God be my rhythm and beat.

Speak Now

Yes, the title of list post is a Taylor Swift song. In her song, she stands up during a wedding and tells the groom to leave the bride and run away with her. Not something that would usually happen, and I'm not talking about the fact that the groom actually leaves the bride on the alter. Rather, I am referring to the fact that TSwift summons the courage to speak up about her true feelings and beliefs. I don't want this to turn into a cheesy "why can't I just say what I mean" post, but I think that every one of us has been in a situation where we cannot find the guts to say what our heart is telling us to say.
Perhaps you have trouble finding the right words. That is my case 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time my heart and/or my head is stuck in my throat. I am either afraid to say something or my mind begins racing about what might happen if I say something that my opportunity to say something disappears. The moments pass me by where I have the chance to raise my voice. I am a firm believer that the Lord gives me opportunities and, after a certain number of times of the moments not being seized, he moves on and allows me to move on too. So, if I don't say something by my 5th or 6th opportunity, I might as well move on. This whole thing was sparked because of a guy. However, I think that it applies to other aspects of your life as well: not discussing your feelings with a friend, talking to a person at work about a projects, etc.
I believe in confidence, finding a purpose and passion in life, being yourself, and living life to the fullest. I also believe that I accomplish these four things the majority of the time. Sometimes, and this is one of those times, I just wish I could take a big gulp and, heart racing, say what my heart is begging me to say.

Living an Uncomplicated Life

I stumbled upon this and I love the simple reminders incorporated in here. So often we make situations and tasks much more complicated than they needed to be and we nearly run ourselves into the ground to complete them. I have found recently that even the smallest task seems to tire me. It is not the task that is actually tiring, but rather my mind making the task seem like life and death. I wanted to repost this list to not only share it, but to have it forever have it bookmarked for me personally. I also added a few notes in blue throughout the list. I think that the secret to living a fulfilling live could be embedded in this list somewhere. Here are 100 ways to uncomplicate your life. Enjoy!

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds

2. Get up 30 minutes earlier so that you don’t rush/get a ticket while driving too fast/have to explain why   you’re late/get fired

3. Get 8 hours of sleep per night so that you think more clearly (LOVE!)

4. Stick to your budget

5. Start saving and investing every week, no matter how little you can spare

6. Balance your checkbook

7. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.

8. Don’t try to do business with everyone. Identify your target client and take very good care of them.

9. Before getting angry, ask yourself if it will really matter in 20 years

10. Focus on being a good person, not on pleasing others 

11. Stay home this Saturday, and finish off that nagging chore that you need to finish

12. Kiss and make up

13. Make a weekly menu, and shop for only those items at the market

14. Ask your grandparents the best way to uncomplicate life, and try it for a month

15. Fill up your gas tank when it’s half full

16. Don’t drink alcohol when you’re tired, sad or mad

17. Pay your bills on time

18. Get an annual physical examination

19. Say “I love you” to your significant other and to your children. Studies show that more marriages last, and fewer kids use drugs, when these words are spoken every day.

20. For just one day, imagine everyone’s intentions are good because most people’s are

21. Give away clothes that haven’t been worn in two years

22. Throw out clothes that are in disrepair, and can’t be mended

23. When you have a conflict with someone, talk it out. Don’t let it turn into more than it is.

24. Know what your priorities are in life, and act as if they are your priorities

25. Tell the truth

26. Don’t cheat

27. Don’t steal

28. If you’re holding on to a ridiculous grudge, let it go

29. Clean your house weekly, so that it doesn’t become too large a chore

30. Do your best at work, or at school

31. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry

32. Eat when you are hungry

33. Be yourself

34. Say no unapologetically

35. Cook simple meals

36. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses

37. Pay off your car before buying a new one

38. Organize your desk at the office

39. Change your smoke alarm batteries when the clocks spring forward, and again when they fall back

40. Organize your important paperwork

41. Take only half the clothes that you planned to take with you on holiday

42. Help your children with their homework every night, and have an open dialogue with their teachers

43. Have white sheets and white towels in children’s rooms/bathrooms, because they’re easily bleached

44. Spend your time with nice people

45. Avoid drama

46. Don’t text or talk on the phone while driving

47. Turn off the television/video games/computer; they’re time consumers

48. Don’t engage in office politics

49. Refuse to gossip, or talk behind other people’s backs

50. Do the dishes right after dinner

51. Never go to sleep angry

52. Ask nicely for what you need and want

53. Walk 10,000 steps per day to help your heart

54. Do 20 push-ups before speaking in anger (We'd have a lot of strong people in the world)

55. Leave work at work

56. Don’t befriend anyone that isn’t trustworthy

57. Don’t envy others

58. Have your oil changed

59. Take vitamin C BEFORE you catch a cold

60. Don’t work more than 8 hours per day

61. Weed your garden weekly

62. Wash your car weekly

63. Have a spring cleaning month every year, and do one room at a time

64. You don’t need to be best friends with work colleagues, but build respectful partnerships

65. Don’t drink and drive

66. Don’t look for reasons to be angry or sad, look for reasons to be happy. You’ll always be able to find plenty of each.

67. Be friendly with your neighbors

68. Return emails and phone messages promptly

69. Schedule in free time

70. Don’t procrastinate (Shoot.)

71. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it

72. Be more flexible when you’re able to be

73. Forgive and forget. End of story.

74. Break the consumerism habit…put a three month moratorium in place on buying anything not deemed a necessity

75. Start your diet on September 1, rather than January 1, so that you won’t also have holiday pounds to lose

76. Take care of any health issues or concerns

77. Have your tires rotated

78. Have your brakes checked

79. Have your eyes checked (before you start driving your car again, please)

80. Don’t let your imagination run away with you (not sure if I agree with this 100%. In my opinion, part of the fun in life is having a great imagination.)

81. Let go of perfection in others

82. Let go of perfection in yourself

83. Don’t try to help those that refuse to help themselves

84. Find a way to reduce your commute to work

85. Have an allotted amount of worry time per day/week, that you strictly abide by (LOVE!)

86. Drink more water

87. Eat more salmon

88. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill

89. Wear your hair in a classic, easy to care for style

90. Finish what you start

91. Wear classic clothes and shoes that never go out of style

92. Create a daily routine

93. Have a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year plan for your financial and life goals

94. Slow down

95. Eat out less often

96. When you ask your husband which outfit looks best, thank him for his answer and wear the one he liked rather than focusing on why he didn’t like the other one

97. Allow your children to grow up

98. Clean out your garage, and donate anything that hasn’t been used in the past year

99. Stretch every day

100. If a relationship is over, let it go.

Afraid to Blink

For the past 2 weeks, I have refused to believe that my freshman year is over. It hadn't hit me and, in a way, I was hoping that it never would. Yet, here I am getting text messages from friends a year younger than me while they sit through graduation practice. The texts remind me of where I was a year ago and all that I had to look forward to: moving away from home, living in Athens, and experiencing everything that freshman year would offer to me. The past year doesn't seem real. It all happened so slowly while I was experiencing it, but I look back now and it's all a blur.
I remember being so excited to move in with my roommate. Kelsey was and is amazing! I know that my early bed times and random mood swings were annoying at times, but she bared them. We got to the point where we could guess what the other was thinking just by the look on her face and she could tell when I was upset, even if I was just sitting there. I remember decorating our room for her 18th birthday and still putting up the sign when she walked in. I remember taking our iPods to the showers and listening to song after song (and wasting so much water). I remember her texting me about our dorm winning the Green Cup. Most of all though, I will always remember laughing so hard we cried when we saw the "Burn, baby, burn" picture, watching all of the movies that she had never seen (especially How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days on our last night together in the dorms), and the countless hours that we studied in the SLC during finals Spring semester. They are memories for a lifetime and I can honestly say that I wouldn't have survived without my awesome roomie, Kelsey!
I remember giving Kelsey an "Oh, crap" look when our neighbors across the hall slammed their door on us on move in day. Savannah and Taylor, however, became two of my favorite people and my best friends. I will never forget the country music that you blasted whenever you were in your room (and even sometimes when you weren't in your room). You two were always there to help me get ready for my date nights and always listened when I got home that night. Taylor, I will always remember sitting with you studying for finals Fall semester and switching my relationship status as well as hanging out in my room talking about what we want to be when we grew up. Savannah, as weird as this is to say (and everyone on our hall knows that it is true), I will never forget how you never seemed to be wearing clothes. I remember when we learned that you slept walked. I will also remember
The 2nd floor guys.... oh what to remember. I remember Ackerman stealing a massive soda bottle top for me. I remember the corn conversations with John. I remember AJ somehow always being on the 4th floor when I was in my towel wrap and saying "belt it." I remember the look of shock and surprise on Alex's face when he went to Tacky Christmas with me. I remember playing football with Peters, Greg, and Hayden on our snow days and people jumping into bushes just to catch the ball. You guys were my comedic relief every day and especially when I needed it.
We were the Hill hall family and I can't believe that we are moved out and already getting ready for next year. I know that moving on and growing up is a part of life that everyone has to go through, but I never thought that it would be my turn to move on or my turn to grow up. Now, I'm sitting here researching study abroad programs for Summer 2012 and moving back into my childhood room (only to pack it up again in 2 months). As much as I am looking forward to my sophomore year, I am afraid to blink. I am afraid that if I do, I will suddenly be graduating college and asking people where the past four years went. So, for now, I am just going to remember the good times of freshman year and the amazing people that I was so fortunate to get to know.