When in doubt, STOP

Just yesterday I was writing about how I was still trying to accept the fact that I am not running for an executive position. Today, within the last 30 minutes, I know that I made a good decision. How do I know? Well, I'm in the process of becoming initiated into The National Society of Leadership and Success. Sounds fancy, huh? Well we have to attend 3 speaker series and one was tonight. I have an exam tomorrow (why am I blogging?), and so I couldn't decide whether or not I should go. I tried talking myself out of going, but I felt a pull and a need to attend. This pull, I believe, was God. He knew that I needed to go. I'm glad I listened, because Alton Brown (the crazy cool guy on The Food Network) was speaking. He said a lot of things, but the two things that really stuck out to me were 1) when in doubt, stop and 2) say no.
His point with "when in doubt, stop" was that America runs on people who can go, go, go, but the successful people know when to stop. He stressed that you must stop sometimes, especially when times are tough, and survey where you are in life. If you continually keep going, you are going to mess things up. That's where learning to say no comes into play. You might be offered a great job, position, opportunity, but if it is not in line with what you want and who you are, then say no. You can't ruin something by not taking part in it.... you weren't a part of it. The moment you say no to something, you become that much more desirable as a person. I'm not trying to be desirable by saying no to exec, but I think that by stoping, surveying my life, and saying no to a position, I have bettered myself. Alton stressed that it's ok to take a break. Other people might not get it, but as long as you remember who you are and what you are capable of, you will be fine, no matter how long your break is.
The fact that I felt drawn to the speaker series and that I got so many answers out of it, is my assurance that God did not want me in an exec position this year. I had to take a break. I have to remember what is important in my life. If I decide to run for a position next year, it will be for the right reasons and it will be after I have my grades and social life in order. This break is needed and I have to keep telling myself that I was right to stop and I have to keep the word "no" in the front of my mind when making decisions. Those two concepts will get me farther in life than any position ever could.

Selfish

For the past two months I have been debating wether or not to run for an executive position in my sorority. It has been gnawing at me. What will make me happy? How will I handle the added stress and pressure in my life? Will I maintain my friendships if I still live in the sorority house? Question after question flash through my mind every day. One minute, I have completely talked myself out of running for an executive position and, the next I can't imagine life without doing exec. It has been a long month.
I had been wanting to speak with someone who was removed from the whole situation and any time I tried to set up a time to talk, it never worked out. It was no ones fault, it's just a busy time of the year. It still left me with biased opinions on what my next would be. When I was beginning to accept that I wasn't going to talk to anyone, my friend Ellie reached out to me. Ok, well I kind of dragged her into my web of problems, but she was more than willing to help. Once I told her of the pros and cons of an exec position, she looked at me and softly said, "It's ok to be selfish sometimes." Her point was that I had serious cons about a position and I needed to think of myself and how I would develop as a person under so much stress.
I accepted it. I accept it. I'm still accepting it. Every part of my being wants to be on exec and make a difference, but my grades and social life are holding me back. I desperately want to have the time to do exec, yet I stand here defeated. I keep telling myself, "I can't do it all." Those five words, arranged in that order, though, are new to me. I have always been able to do it all. I feel defeated and like I am losing the person that I thought I was. I keep trying to remind myself that God will make it right. It doesn't matter how badly I mess up, God has a place in my life and will watch over me. While I feel his presence, I am still scared. I am scared of letting people down. I am scared of ruining my next year in school. I am scared of losing myself.
Life throws us curve balls and it's scary. While I can't say that it ever gets easier or that I have gotten used to the feeling of unbalance, I know that I am not the only one going through tough decisions. Everyone has a life and is working to be the best that they can be.

Drowning

You know that feeling that you get when you have finally entered hell week? You have multiple exams, a project to work on, social things to keep up with, and a few meetings to go to. This is my definition of hell week. Now, multiply all of that by 9. This is my life. I have not had a chill week since the 3rd week of school. Frankly, I'm exhausted! Every time that I think I'll get a break, a chance to breath, another wave of exams hits and I am swallowed by the stress to preform.
What's harder is that I haven't even been doing well on my exams. I would be able to survive if I was at least doing well on my exams, but I am constantly making high 70s or low 80s on everything. I don't know where to go or what to do. I've never had a problem with school, this is a first. I know that there is more that I can do, but when I try to add on more studying, a remember that I have to give a speech on the same day.
My parents know that I am struggling, but I don't think they realize that I am almost HOPEless. I am scared for my grades, my financial aid, and my future. I know that I am making a bigger deal out of a bad test score, but after multiple bad grades in multiple exams, I think that I deserve to freak out a little. So this is my call for help. I am drowning in college and there is no life line in sight. I just have to wait for the waves to stop or slow down, but I'm concerned that they never will. This is life and I have yet to catch up.

What did he just say?

Imagine. You're sitting on your couch, watching an interview and the athlete/model/actress/CEO starts on a rant and just keeps going and going and going. Your jaw drops a little more as the time tics on. When he or she finally stops, there is that awkward moment that follows due to everyone's utter shock. In that moment, while I'm thinking "Oh my goodness" and questioning if I just dreamt the past few minutes, one word comes to mind: brat. I feel that the majority of the people who are extremely blessed with money, fame, talent, etc. take it for grated. Many give off the air of entitlement to the next pay check or publicity, when really they should be thanking the mass public for supporting them or buying a ticket to their movie. 

Where is the world going? I admit that I complain about a bad hair day or a difficult exam, but a) I'm not ranting on national television and b) I realize how infinitely blessed I am. My mom emailed me a link to a video of Kirk Cousins, the Michigan State quarterback. He called out the athletes in particular on their sense of entitlement and he made so much sense. He left me with a dropped jaw due to his composure and systematic thinking. He is the type of person that parents can feel good about having their kids look up to. His idea of fame and talent made so much sense and it made me want him to succeed that much more. His good looks sure didn't hurt his case, but you could tell by his emotion and body language that he wasn't aware of his looks or status. He was concerned with giving a speech that would encourage athletes to act better and with purpose. He's a good guy and... I hear he's single! Watch his speech below. It's long, but it only gets better as the minutes go on!

Connecting the Dots

With one thing after the other, life is full of decisions. Some decisions are minuscule, some, though, are monumentally large. Yet, no matter the size, situation, or circumstances, we all must decide what our next step is in this crazy thing we call life. Growing up, I was very blessed. My parents were loving and encouraging; my brother, although sometimes mean to his younger sister, always looked after me; my life was good, wholesome, and a blessing. I use the past tense, but all of these things are still true and I know with all my heart that I am infinitely blessed.
Even with this knowledge and understanding, I still face the decisions that will distinguish me from others and undoubtedly lay the ground work for my future. I know everyone goes through this time in their lives and that it always seems to happen at inconvenient times and usually during college. The good ole "It's just part of growing up" speech has been on replay in my mind for the past few months. It seems that everywhere I turn I am being questioned about my next move and my goals. As human beings, we love talking about ourselves. I'm not an exception, but these conversations are unnerving because I have no definite answer to give. I'm still deciding what I want to major in, what my dream job is, where I want to go on study abroad this summer, and, even as small as, what I'm doing next week. The list goes on and differs for all of us. We all have distinct sub-points under the major themes of life, but, somehow, we all cross off these points eventually.
My belief is that we come across major decisions in life when we are faltering from the path that the Lord has set for us. It's his way of saying "are you sure you know what you're doing and that you're doing the right thing?" He wants us to turn to him and ask what we should do, and only then will we know what we're supposed to do and what our true destination in life is. I think that Steve Jobs, the creator of Apple, explained it best when he gave the commencement speech at Stanford University. He said, "You cannot connect the dots looking forward in life, but, if you believe that they'll connect down the road, you'll be able to follow your heart even when you drift off the well worn path." Putting faith in the future is hard and scary, but the Lord is watching us every moment of our lives, without question. If you don't find what you are looking for, "keep looking, and don't settle."

Lost

I must admit, it has been a little comical to see the new freshmen frantically looking at campus maps and taking the assigned reading seriously. It has been comical, yet eye opening. Seeing the freshmen trying to figure college out has made me reflect on my past year: the trials and tribulations, the ups and downs, the list goes on. This reflection makes me feel as though I have grown in that year, which I have, but not to the extent that I convey to others. I put on this fake "I'm a sophomore sorority girl and I have it all figured out" front, yet, sitting here writing this, I feel lost in my own body.
I go through the motions: breakfast, class, gym, homework, sleep, and repeat. I try to give each day a little flavor, but that only consists of walking a different way to class. I am not new to college anymore, I have settled into my living arrangements, and my classes seem the same as the last one. I feel like I'm constantly running in circles, but I can't get my feet to move. Whenever I get this feeling, the first question that I ask myself is whether or not I have been communicating and glorifying God. 99.9% of the time, the answer is no, so I pray and make a conscious effort to read my bible more. This time, I feel like I have been trying to spread the scripture and I have been reading my bible, but I feel lost, dazed, and confused.
I am trying to find my meaning in life; I am trying to discover what is coming up in the next chapter of my life; I am trying to nail down a schedule of social and personal times. I just know that it is hard to find your way back to the traveled path when you're not sure where you are going.

On The Other Side

I can officially say that I am a sophomore in college! When did that happen? It seems like yesterday that I was walking briskly down Milledge in the middle of Recruitment 2010. Now, a year later, I am looking back on Rush and am in disbelief that I made it through the crazy system. Two weeks ago was work week, where we prepared for rush, and last week was the insanity called Recruitment 2K11. During work week, I finally felt like I was a part of my sorority. I was learning how recruitment worked, the good and the bad. With all of the craziness that went into the past two weeks, I forgot what my purpose was. In my head, I was thinking that the goal was to get an amazing new pledge class, but, with a text message on the first day of Recruitment, my purpose came back to me.
I had become lost in the harsh and hurtful words that tend to surround the recruitment process and I was in disbelief that I was judged to harshly just a year ago. When I went through rush, a friend told me to trust the system, that every girl ended up where she was supposed to. A year later, I was being told the same thing: trust the system. This time around though, I saw the mechanics of the system and, I must say, it hurt. It hurt to know that the women that I love and, now, live with could say such mean things. I found myself falling into the Hollywood version of sororities: cute, pretty, involved, social were being descriptions of the girls that I was talking to. It didn't feel right. Who was I to judge a person that I spoke with for 10 or so minutes? Who was I to manage the system of recruitment and decide their fate (so to speak)? Who was I? I didn't know and that is what bothered me. Every time I found myself sinking into the Hollywood sorority stereotype, I pulled out the text message that my friend sent me on the first day of recruitment... "Hope everything goes well and that you are able to bring some depth into an otherwise superficial system and show the girls coming through the love of Christ."
I was not the person who was supposed to judge these women. I was the person who was supposed to open my eyes, ears, and heart to the women coming through rush. I was the person who was supposed to help guide them to find their purpose in college and to help them feel comfortable in this sometimes superficial process. I was the person who was supposed to show them scripture in my actions and my words. I can't say I was perfect in succeeding this, but I tried. Everyday, whether the conversation was easy or not, I wanted the girls to walk away feeling better than before. I wanted them to feel wanted, not just by me and my sorority, but by Christ.